I Feel Dirty

Bagged work yesterday and put in a six hour session. I started way too loose at a table that was mostly fighting over the blinds and found myself down 10BB's in short order. I hovered at that range for an hour or so, before being whored for about ten bucks (20BB's) on a series of hands.

First, I had an OESD to the nut straight and a draw to a flush and hit neither, but did lose a chunk of change in the process. Then, I drew to the second-nut flush and paid the guy with the nut flush handsomely. Lastly, I had a set of Kings on a board that held straight and flush possibilities, and couldn't let go of it because the pot was too big. The winner made his flush on the river.

Lunch Break. Down around seventeen bucks (-34BB's)

Found a better table and slowly crawled back to the -20BB range. Then came the rush. I got pocket queens numerous times, pocket kings, AK a bunch. I made some good bluffs (good in that they were successful, I have no idea if they were smart or not), caught someone bluffing on a three-flush board. There were players who didn't notice I kept showing down premium hands and were happy to pay me off. At one point, I encouraged a fish to rebuy if she busted.

She did.

I proclaimed my love for the table. I should've collected their e-mail addresses so I can get them all together some other time. By the end of the session, I was up 11BB's. Whew! Exhausting!

Why, then, did I feel like complete crap as I lay down for a short nap? Look at the first sentence of this post. I called off work to win five bucks playing poker. That's just not right. I have responsibilities at work, and to my family to not put my job in jeopardy.

Was I tired and didn't feel like working anyway? Yes. But this is a common symptom of depression and I can't use poker as a way to avoid responsibility and to self-medicate. I'm trodding some dangerous ground here; I need to start making adult decisions and suppress the selfish child.