Sunday, October 01, 2006

Hey, Thanks

Senator Frist,

Let me start by thanking you from the bottom of my heart for saving me from myself and the demon internet poker. As an adult, a professional, a father, and the head of a household, you can't imagine the relief I feel now that you have taken the decision-making process concerning personal matters away from me.

Furthermore, as a non-believer in Christianity or any other form of man-made religion, it's exhilarating to be prohibited from doing something you personally consider immoral.

It will take a while to realize my new found safety. Instead of playing for dangerously seductive "penny ante" stakes in my home, I will get to go to casinos or illegal poker rooms and have to play for much higher stakes.

However, this is not a letter of praise. Instead, it's a chance for me to demand action on other, serious matters that are, as you put it, "fraying the fabric of society."

First, I'm known to have a beer or two on the weekend. I realize that this behavior is not harming anyone and is usually a matter of personal choice. In light of the billions of dollars lost and millions of lives ruined by people who do abuse alcohol, however, I clearly can't be trusted to make my own decision in this regard. I think the Volstead act should be again be the law of the land, especially considering its earlier success.

Even more important than alcohol, though, is this simple fact: I am overweight. In fact, obesity is a growing crisis nationwide and I'm stating for the record that I, for one, can not handle making decisions about food for myself. I need government laws forcing restaurants and supermarkets to monitor my eating habits and restrict my ability to buy the food of my choice.

Let me close by saying this: While it was God who gave us free will eight thousand years ago in the Garden of Eden, it's strong conservatives, patriots...Christians... like yourself who must decide when the rest of us can exercise it.


Christopher Russo

I'm sending this out to Frist and Kyl, at least. Feel free to copy it and do the same. I know it's not going to do a bit of good, but it will make me feel better for the low, low price of a stamp.


Blogger ScurvyDog said...

nh, sir

1:35 PM  
Blogger Michael said...

Well done, CL.

Damned Religicans!

7:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just sent it to both them, AND my retared reps here in mn:)

8:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

....sorry, so pissed today I cant even SPELL retarded, lol.....

8:08 AM  

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