Inside the MInd of C.L. Russo

900 Miles to go

2007-02-09T10:21:00.000-08:00

I've got my diaper on, my mace, and my 'tubing' and I'm driving non-stop to Florida to stand in a silent vigil outside of the morgue where Anna Nicole Smith is buried. I might sing "Candle in the Wind."

Oh, wait, I've got stuff to do this weekend. Never mind.

Did I mention I'm fully 'rolled for the .25/.50 tables at Full Tilt? Yay me. I'm down big time though. If it wasn't for bonus, I'd be down close to a hundred BB's. On the other hand, I've put a couple consecutive winning sessions together, so maybe I'm back on my way up.

With my limited skill, I'm finding it very hard to win long term in this new environment. The pots I drag are so small that it takes an inordinate amount of wins to make up for the hands where my decent two pair are counterfeited or my nut flush draws and OESD's don't come in.

At this point, I'm just playing for practice for live play in Atlantic City. Who knows how long internet poker's going to last, or if I'm going to ever get the money back? This gives the advice: "Don't bring to the table more money that you can afford to lose" a whole new meaning. I'm glad I'm not a Ship It Holla Balla with a huge 'roll online, I'd be pulling my hair out.

I think the situation's bleak. The DOJ's all up in poker's ass, and there're rumors that Neteller may be handing over individual account info to the IRS, as well as Justice. Anyone who believed it when lawmakes said that they didn't intend to 'get' poker players are suckers. Let's remember the America we live in now, folks.

Did I mention Atlantic City? I'm going there you know...in March. Unfortunately not for Jordan's get together. PLUS, I'll be going at least one other time this year, as I have a bus trip to use. Hopefully I'll have the same luck I had the last time I went.

This time, my game plan is to play limit the first day, most def at the Trop, where I'll be staying. I'd also like to try another poker room, maybe at the Taj or Caesar's. Before I leave the next day, I'm considering playing in a SNG somewheres, maybe the Borgata or Bally's, not really sure.

The other thing I'm going to do is bust my sports bet cherry. This is just something I want to try, just for the experience.

Based on my posting frequency, I won't be back until I give the trip report, so wish me luck and any suggestions are always appreciated.

Bullet List

2007-01-18T19:37:00.000-08:00

Back to work for a half day today, same tomorrow. Felt good, physically and mentally to do something productive for a change. Not too many disasters waiting for me, none unsurmountable.
Apparently, I can't beat the two-four cent limit tables at stars. By definition, this means I apparently don't know the rank of hands and can't name the four suits. I'm busto there and completely frustrated. Following Sklansky as straight-up as possible, really focusing on not chasing, but still getting crushed.
Not much better at .25-.50 limit on FTP. I'm methodically turning 22 bucks into dust. Same story. Play a hand badly, get nothing from Variance to help me dig out.
Playing live on Saturday- $20 NLHE tournament, with rebuys. I'll be there twenty minutes, I'm sure.
Discovered 2+2's BBV4Life forum. Hours of entertainment. I can't get anything out of the disjointed posts and confusing hand histories, but give me a bunch of silly topics, and I'm happy.
As you can tell, the blog is dying.

So, how was your day?

Re-Rolled

2007-01-11T12:58:00.000-08:00

Back on the money tables. Surprisingly, when on a tear in the Cheapskate Specials (freerolls) and won a whole dollar total on Poker Stars. With some work at the good ole .02-.04 tables (limit) I know have about 1.20 there now.

THEN, I went onto Pokersource.com and got a free roll for Ablsolute Poker. Fifty dollars now, fifty dollars of bonus.

I don't like this site at all. Why?

1. Can't clear the bonus unless you play at least $1/$2 limit. So, I have twenty-five BB's to work with to clear 75 raked hands (at least fifty cents) for each ten bucks. So, I'll probably lose it before clearing any of it.

2. Very few tournaments. Plus, the juice depends on how many people play. So, I could pay a dollar to join and as much as a dollar of juice. Ridiculous.

3. Can only play one freeroll at a time. Wha? How stupid.

4. No 9 table micro limit games. I don't like six max.

It's free money, I guess I shouldn't complain.

I'm ready to write an original story except for one problem. No ideas. I was up late last night trying to think of something worth a damn, but there just isn't any 'there' there. I need to get off the computer and start reading more and watching more movies. That always gets the creative juices going.

I'm going back to work part time next week, thank God. My day is all messed up- up way too late at night, then sleeping a big chunk of the day away. Bored, lonely, and depressed.

Boo hoo me.

BUSTO!

2007-01-02T19:36:00.000-08:00

Yeah, I suck. Busted out last week. No money. Stuck playing freerolls until I get my rake back for the month.

Bad thing? It sucked when it happened, but I think I needed the limit break. I was burned out, playing day in and day out anyway, then ALL day everyday since my surgery. I was on tilt, plain and simple. Worse, I don't think I knew it. Surely, I was getting no cards, no flops, and sucked out on more than Ron Jeremy ever has, but I still played poorly, didn't manage my money, didn't move down limits soon enough. At this stage, I'm simply not good enough to play 1/2 on Full Tilt.

I might still be tilted, which makes it a good thing that I can't risk any money upfront right now. At any rate, I'm going deep into these freerolls, doing better than 90 plus percent of my opponents. Not making the money, though. I'll be able to play ONE .10 cent $50 buck guarantee on Stars, and I have a somewhat good track record with these. Maybe I should pull a Chris Ferguson and try to build a roll from nothing.

I'm reading "Phil's Little Green Book" and I'm getting into playing tourneys

I've been playing some more razz for play money and even the new five card draw on Poker Stars. I need to read a bit about that game.

Not done with limit poker though. Going to AC in March for two days, and a bus trip to AC at a time TBA. Must also reread SSHE by Sklansky and get away from bluffing too much.

In the meantime, I've been editing and submitting stories again. I was about to start a new story, but chickened out.

"What?" you ask. It is very difficult to start a story, the hardest part of it, sometimes.

Saw the doctor today- he's suggesting another FIVE WEEKS before I can drive to work. That's fine, buddy, but are you going to give me a job so I can pays me bills?

Week after next, I'm going to try to go back part time, then hopefully driving myself soon after. Going to be tough working again.

My schedule for today:
Go to bed at 2am.
Up at 5:30, help get monkeys ready for school
Breakfast, back to bed at 7am.
Wake up at 10:30am.
TV, early lunch.
Write until about 3pm.
Shower, Dr's appt., dinner at inlaws.

Where can I fit working 9-5 in there?

An Experiment

2006-12-20T05:57:00.000-08:00

I live!

Surgery went swimmingly and it feels as if the nerve problems in my arm will be solved. Yay me. I mean, I have it tough. I hung out in my bathrobe and nothing else (hear that ladies?) and watched TV or played poker for the last week, and I'm (grudgingly) exempted from housework and most childcare by the Russo Family Labor Committee, of which I'm not a voting member. I can't decide if this makes me closer to Hugh Hefner or your average fat slob.*

But let's get down to brass facts, if you'll allow me the liberty of my speechification. I'm off for about a month, maybe five weeks. I'm going to read, write, get caught up on some stuff.

No I'm not! I'm going to play professional poker player!

If this is what's it like, than is there any more of a soul-killing job than grinding online? It could be that my pattern of late is this: lose thirty bucks, win some of it back, win/lose the same ten bucks over the course of a day, keep afloat with bonus and rakeback. Repeat.

This could be that Full Tilt is tough- very tight games even at .25-.50- and it's basically a battle for the blinds all day.

Or, it could be that I suck.**

Anyway, the anxiety of grinding out 1bb/hr is not for me- I'd be dead of a stroke in a month. I mean, how good do you have to be to grind out a living reliably? The only thing that could be a silver lining would be those days that you've got a ton of luck early and make your nut in an hour or so and then have the rest of the day for other things. (I'm sure this only happens when you're a recreational player though. It'd never happen with my luck!)

Now, at the risk of being seen as a dope, I'm going to offer up some actual poker theory that might be of use at FT's lower limit ring games:

"check-raising on pots that no one wants:"

I'm talking about the hands where everyone might check the flop, then check to the last guy, who throws out a bet and everyone folds. Surely, a significant percentage of the time, this guy has a weak hand like second or third pair, or a naked ace, or even two overcards.

My theory is, on occasion, when the situation is right, it may be lucrative to check-raise this guy.

What are the conditions?

1. When you have two or fewer opponents. Having more makes this play less likely to succeed-i.e.- have everyone fold to you.
2. When you have a marginal, but not too marginal, hand. Fer example, nines on a two-flush,
A-6-10 board.
3. When you see this pattern of checking, betting, and folding as listed above, without challenge.
4. When you are in early position, preferably in first position. I wouldn't do it in last position if the second player calls, as it's unlikely that both will fold to a check raise. As long as you only have the original bettor in the position of calling one bet, and the other player either folding or forced to call two bets cold, this might be a safe trick to try.
5. When there has not been a lot of action pre-flop, or any other situation that might cause you to believe you're being slowplayed.

Benefits:

Obviously, the first benefit is that you might steal a pot every now and then. Next, you might keep others from stealing even more pots by encourging more people to check at the end of the round, thus getting you a free card.

Drawbacks:

If you do this too often and people figure you out, you could be sunk. You may have to make a continuation bet on the turn or river, which could get pricey.

When to do this:

Because of the drawbacks, I would use this SPARINGLY. Only in games where these types of a pot are common and frustrating. Perhaps once or twice a session, unless your opponents are paying no attention at all. I wouldn't use it against the same person twice in a session either.

Knowledge from a novice- thank God I'm not charging for this crap. What do y'all think?

***************************************

Pennsylvania may soon deal with a bill to allow table games in the upcoming slot parlors. I caper every time I say that because one of these ersatz casinos may be opening fifteen miles from my house.

I've tried to get some 2+2 er's organized to lobby for this bill, including a mayor from a nearby town, but interest has wanned, mainly because of problems with communication.

Anyway, I've e-mailed the future sponsor of the bill, pledging support and asking him how I can help, but I haven't gotten a response. I've had more trouble trying to get involved in politics on the local and state level. Why is it so hard?

*Suggestions from my readers not encouraged or appreciated.
** The more likely option.

Stream of Consciousness Wednesdays

2006-11-29T12:11:00.000-08:00

Me: “Hey, how did you like going to New York City with Mommy?”

Big Monkey: “There was a huge line at the Vampire State Building!”

*****************************************

There was a report on the news today that Steve Hadley, the director of the National Security Council, told Bush that the Iraqi President might be working with the militias to consolidate Shiite power.

No shit? I’m not anywhere close to be a political analyst, but I thought that seemed to be pretty obvious based on what I’m seeing in the news (all the news, by the way, so don’t bother lecturing me about the commie-liberal mainstream media.)

Is the incredibly obvious the best that the NSC can come up with? The lack of coherence, innovation, and plain brainpower in this White House is scary. If you don’t believe me, read “State of Denial.” It’s amazing we were able to invade Iraq- no one knew what everyone else was doing, and no one seemed to want to take responsibility to lead the damn thing.

**************************

I’m predicting I’m going to bust out at Full Tilt. The past 2-3 weeks has been disastrous: I’ve managed to turn $350 to about $65. I’m in a nihilistic shock- I’m not going down in limits, I stubbornly stick to 1/2, risking an ultimate defeat.

It’s been a never ending mélange of long stretches of crappy starting hands, missed flops, not getting paid off for my good hands, and soul-killing suck outs. Playing hands poorly in this situation just magnifies the damage. It would be funny if it was you. But it’s me, so forgive me for not laughing.

I’m afraid, if things don’t turn around, that I’m going to have to do something that I’ve pledged not to do: reload. I would content myself with playing freerolls until after Christmas when I get some mad money if I wasn’t having surgery in a few weeks.

Here’s the paradox: I’m going to be paycheck-less for about a month due to the surgery and I don’t have money to spare, but I'll go stir crazy if I don’t have poker to occupy some of my time.

This really sucks. I was playing well for a while and, between winnings and bonus, I was able to cash out $200 bucks last month that was going to go towards a Disney World vacation in 2008. Now it'll put food on our table instead.

*******************

God, I hate Baltimore. It’s full of stupid, lazy people who don’t care about anything. It’s amazing anything gets done here. While the people in my office are competent and work hard, for the most part, most of the other agencies and ALL the city government offices I’ve come in contact with are inefficient and ridiculously ineffective.

For example, it’s taken three years for a residential agency to get a form completed for a consumer who wants to join Special Olympics. THREE YEARS! And that’s with me and the person’s mother whipping and flogging them like stubborn oxen. Come to think of it, I’m still not sure if the person’s signed up yet.

Between the snobbish, nouveau riche who follow the most hateful brand of conservatism, where everyone is either a patriotic rich person like themselves or living only to serve them and the feral, out of control urban population which has not the least shred of politeness, shame, or a sense of civility, Baltimore is full of the most unpleasant, rudest people I've ever had to associate with. (And I grew up in South Central Pennsylvania- you'll know you're there when people go out of their way NOT to hold the door for you.)

Bah, I'm in a bad mood today! My arm freaking hurts-feels like it's not a part of me. I'm actually counting down the days until my surgery.

Percocet: A Warning

2006-11-21T16:18:00.000-08:00

Okay it's like this: I have a ruptured disk in my neck. On of the fragments is pushing against the root nerve that runs to my right arm. Numbness, cramping, extreme uncomfortableness, yada yada yada.

Surgery in a couple weeks. Whatever.

In the meantime, my doctor prescribed me percocet and muscle relaxants for the pain. Mmm, drugs, you dull the pain.

percocet+muscle relaxants=good times!

Percocet, besides making you feel all warm and squishy inside (I knew when it kicked in because I'd have to hug the Mistress and tell her how I'll love her until the end of time) causes an unintended consequence. A side-effect, if you will.

Intractable, unbearable, mindbending constipation.

I found this out last night as I sat on the pot for an hour, pushing, panting, sweating, all with no production. I adjusted my posture, rocked back and forth, even got in the shower and aimed the jets at the place where it would do the most good. All to no avail. I would have better luck trying to push my house an inch to the right.

Thoughts of emergency rooms, having the Mistress test our marital bonds by administering an enema (I ran that by her afterwards and she said 'hay-ell no,') or, worse, going out like Elvis. Panicked, exhausted, I got the phone and called my mommy.

I know. I know. But she's a nurse too, okay?

With only minimal snickering, she gave me directions.

"Go to the drugstore and get Senekot (laxative) and Colace (stool softener.)"

"Okay, but what about my immediate problem?"

She told me.

"Wha, What?!"

She told me again.

"Well God damn."

"It's your only option, unless you want to get an enema..."

"No way." I said. "Okay, I'll do it. Um, I won't have a heart attack will I? I've heard that you can doing that."

"No, don't be silly."

I assured her I'd let her know how everything panned out, hung up, and did the unthinkable:

I administered, well, I administered digital assistance.

I couldn't look myself in the mirror for the rest of the night.

However, I was the recipient of one of the most emptying, mind clearing movement ever. It was one of those that makes you take stock of your life and realize that you've never been so in touch with the universe as you are at that moment. It makes you gather the family and reaffirm your eternal devotion t them.

So, a word of warning! If you're taking percocet, make sure you eat plenty of fiber, drink a lot of water, and take a stool softener regularly!

The Myth of Full Tilt

2006-11-07T11:44:00.000-08:00

I wasn't really surprised by it, but it did take me some time to realize the inside joke at Full Tilt:

The pros aren't there to help you learn to play, they're there to help themselves to your money!

It's painfully obvious that Ivy, Hanson, and the like are bothered by the hoi paloi and are interested only in harvesting the cash of whales.

Sure, once in a while, someone like Allan Cunningham will play a bunch of low limit games, as he did last night. Yet, he wasn't interested in chatting, just playing. He might have been a tad bitter having to be exposed to variance to such an unusual (for him) degree.

Lately, I've been trying to get some of the pros to sit down at my limit. I've either been ignored (chat probably turned off) to "maybe, let me finish the SNG I'm in." No FT pro has showed up yet.

Look, I understand where they're coming from. Unlike most of us, their job is, simply, to make money. Time spent donking and pressing the flesh in 1/2 limit is time that they could be earning.

Yet, I think they'd be doing themselves a favor if they acted the part of promoter once in awhile. Yeah, it's fun watching Ivy methodically stack someone- for about five minutes. To be stacked by Ivy? I doubt I'd get enough of that.

So, come on guys, sit at my table once in a while!

Just as an aside, does Lederer, Harman, Clonie Gowen, and Eric Siedel even PLAY on Full Tilt anymore? Does Lederer play ANY poker anymore?

Ted Haggard...is a Gay

2006-11-03T05:37:00.000-08:00

It's true, one of the Holiest men of all time, arbiter of the moral, judge of the infidel, enemy of homosexuality, and nanny to the state, Ted Haggard is a gay drug addict.

This latest piece of...what? Hypocrisy? Hypocrisy's a good word- has motivated me to pen a letter to the Kristian Konservative Kommunity:

Dear Wing-Nuts,

Clearly, you have lost the culture wars. Your leaders, the self-appointed, Taliban-esque morality watchdogs have been corrupted, your inner councils infiltrated by sin. You have proven to be weak in the face of base, worldly temptations, and your attempts to protect yourselves from sin by outlawing vice will end on November 7th.

You have only one viable option. Return to the philosophy you had twenty years ago: withdraw from the sinful world as much as possible. Retreat to communes in Utah and Alabama, where you can be free to inbreed, handle snakes, and rail against homosexuals (while buggering each other in secret) out of earshot of rational people.

Leave us mired in the sin of democracy, science, logic, tolerance, and religious freedom. Let us damn ourselves with Howard Stern and online poker. Obviously we can't be saved and you can't help us without ending up in the mud as well.

Oh well, it's been fun. Don't worry, we can trot you out every once in a while for a laugh. I'm sure the media will show us snippets of your sideshow-like existence in "News of the Weird" columns.

I will have to pick on fiscal conservatives from now on. Not that hard, but they at least use logic, and they don't usually crash and burn so dramatically and satisfyingly.

Yours in Jebus,
CL

Don't think We're Close?

2006-11-01T05:41:00.000-08:00

Editor: Can someone give me some info on how I can sell my FTP points? I'm amassing a good bit of them and I'd like to get some ducats for them instead of a crappy hat.

President Bush said on Monday, in effect "If you vote Democrat, the terrorists win."

You don't think we're close to having presidential critics detained as 'enemy combatants?' You don't think there will be violence against Democrat politicians and supporters?

Get your head out of the sand.

No Time

2006-10-30T06:07:00.000-08:00

Dear Variance:

I don't have the fucking time to lose a hundred bucks over the course of a weekend. Right now, mindless bureacrat drones are codifying how to keep me from playing poker. I need to make those ends now, while I still can.

So, please stop with the dead decks and the dagger-in-the-heart rivers. And loosen up the tables at Full Tilt too, bitch.

FU
Chris

Checking in

2006-10-27T05:55:00.000-07:00

I don't post as much as I used to, do I?

A few reasons for this: I don't want to post from work because of the past debacle. When I'm home, I'm watching flops and I'm not particularly interested in posting. So, less output.

Not much to say, either. I wasn't prolific with 'educational' posts anyway, and I'm at a point where I'm not to motivated to do any study, just practice. I kid myself by saying I'm improving in real world situations and there is some truth to that. I'm getting a feel for bluffing now. Overall, I think I bluff a lot, but it seems to be correct in that Full Tilt has a lot of wary players and few calling stations. I would say I win more hands by bluffing than I lose, at least for now.

But, really, I'm just not as interested at learning new skills at this point. This will change, I'm sure, as I'll get more into it again, especially if/when I move up in levels. I think I'll have to sharpen my game if I get up to 2/4.

"If" is the key word. I've adjusted my goal of moving up to 2/4 from 'intermediate' to 'long term.' Mainly because I think my play will be, at least, interrupted in the next few months, if not outright stopped. I'm going to cash out my bonus, rake back, and anything over 200BB's each month and make what I can while the cash cow is still breathing.

I'm definitely going to try to keep playing and investigate work arounds, but I'm going to be realistic. If I have to shell out caish for a shady dial-up or an offshore account just to access a poker site, I doubt I'm going to do it. There are some ideas that are interesting and free, though.

Nothing exciting in non-poker land, except that I get some free time this weekend, as I'm opting out of attending the York Halloween Parade. Woo-hoo!

Money, Finally

2006-10-23T19:13:00.000-07:00

Had the homegame on Saturday, and actually had a pretty good showing-seven players- and I took second, which worked out to 2x's the buy-in.

Most of my success came from either being able to check crap hands in the BB and hitting the flop and from being able to complete in the small blind with suited hands and filling in my flushes. Ah, limpers! Have to love 'em.

I was fucking tired after being woken up at 6am that morning, taking the girls to gymnastics, going food shopping, and cleaning the house. I had a beer, which I don't usually do, and I think it had a synergistic effect with my happy pills, because kept losing track of the game and making moves out of position. What was worse is I kept doing it when I was in hands with the one guy who was a stranger to me. I kept apologizing, but he must've thought I was an ass.

Oh well, he won, so he can't complain too much, right?

Both girls have colds. The Little General was miserable today and took it out on her day care staff. From what I heard, she didn't want to take a nap, so she threw her bedding, pillow, stuffed animal, and shoes at her teacher. Part of me was embarrassed, another part feeling sorry for the LG, and a good chunk was laughing about the image of a two foot tall, 2.5 year old raising hell.

The LG continued her rampage at home and started chucking refridgerator magnets at her sister. The Mistress decided that the throwing of objects with intent to injure was going to stop (excluding when the Mistress throws stuff at me.)

It was a classic test of wills: the ominous furrowing of toddler brows and jutting of kewpie doll lips versus the devastating raised eye-brow, steely stare, and imperative commands of the all-powerful mother.

From my vantage point cowering under the kitchen table, I could feel the push and pull of emotional energy, thought I saw actual sparks fly back and forth between the combatants. Finally, the younger Amazon warrior, lacking in experience and technique, despite inheriting her mother's iron will (the foolish might call this "stubbornness"), huffed, stomped to the magnets and stuck them back onto the fridge.

"What the hell are you doing under there?" The Mistress said to me as I nervously unhid myself.

"Nothing, just practicing for the teen-age years."

ACLU Response

2006-10-19T05:08:00.000-07:00

Since I'm a card carrying member of the ACLU (reserve my spot in a Halliburton concentration camp, please) I thought I'd find out what their stance on the UIGA is:

To whom it may concern;

I am writing today to express my concern about the possible reduction of my freedoms caused by the soon to be signed online gambling ban.

Clearly, this bill will limit my rights to choose how to spend my money on leisure activities of my choice.

I would like to know what the Pa. ACLU's stance on this legislation is and what, if any, actions yours or the national ACLU organization (of which I'm a member) is planning to address this issue.

Thank you
Chris Russo

Their response:

Gambling
The ACLU is opposed to gambling laws which prohibit an individual from risking property in a game of chance as an unconstitutional intrusion by the government into the sphere of personal privacy, morality and conscience.
In order to enforce such laws, the police resort frequently to invasions of personal privacy so as to obtain evidence of violations. The legalization of gambling may serve to reduce the occasions when law enforcement officials engage in such unconstitutional practices as entrapment, harassment, wiretapping, and electronic surveillance.
In some states which provide for certain forms of public gambling but prohibit private games of chance, anti-gambling laws may be unconstitutional on additional grounds.
While the ACLU is opposed to laws that prohibit gambling entirely, it recognizes that, if properly administered, there is no constitutional objection to state or federal licensing or other regulation of commercial gambling. [Board Minutes, September 27-28, 1975.]

Okay, they're against it in theory, but they don't seem particularly, how should I say it, ENGAGED in this issue. Have to give them a pass, though. They're fighting bigger battles, now that we're a nascent totalitarian regime.

I haven't talked poker in a while, so let me sum up my play the last two days: I'm like that big-boobied girl we all knew in college that you and all your friends talked into bed week after week: I keep falling for that same old lie.

Bush Signs Torture Freedom Act

2006-10-17T18:51:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the United States of Torture.

1. Pick up your Bible.

2. Drop off your habeas corpus.

3. Shut the fuck up.

Proof

2006-10-16T06:41:00.000-07:00

Just some proof that I'm a 'writer.' I keep saying I'm going to put some links up to my work and I will...someday. (When I'm not lazy.)

Criminal

2006-10-15T07:15:00.000-07:00

So, Party blocked US residents. I wonder how many 2+2 ass-talkers are just flabbergasted. You mean, all those 'connected' posters really don't know what they're talking about? Shocking.

So, welcome to the criminal world of online poker. Ah well, it was fun. At least I can still participate in Jesus-approved gambling like fantasy football. More inportantly, Leach, Goodlatte, and Frist approve of it, so it must be holy.

I would never play for money online anymore, but, if I did, I might pull my money out of Stars and play on Full Tilt, because of the raketherake.com deal and FT's 100 percent sign up bonus.

Hypothetically, if I were to do that, I might find that the software is really cool and blows Stars and Party away.

I also may realize that there are few fish at FT, and much harder to earn dem dollas. I might, in theory, have lost 30 odd bucks at 1/2 yesterday.

Just speculation, of course.

Cashing Out

2006-10-12T18:12:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to jump through all the hoops necessary to get my money out of Party tonight. I've had a Neteller account for about a year, but never did anything with it, so I had to deposit money, get the phone call, yada yada yada.

Then, I couldn't transfer out of Party because I hadn't deposited into Party from Neteller, so I've got to do that tonight. I don't know what kind of turn around it will take to get this done tonight.

I'm a bit worried about having to cash out tomorrow. I'm not so worried about a run on Party and them not having enough cash to pay out (they're supposed to have segregated accounts, right? RIGHT?!) I'm more worried about getting access to my account. Well, we'll see.

I've done quite well over the past week. I'm playing 1/2 limit out of a 'fuck-it' attitude and I've won about 130 bucks. My secret? Get lucky and stop while I'm ahead. It's a 'work' attitude, instead of a 'play' attitude. Up twenty bucks? Stop. Don't let variance stick it to you.

Not playing too well tonight, so I'm going to try to stop when I get ahead. (Okay, that didn't work, I'm in the hole again.) Okay, this time I'm going to stop...

I don't care what 'Stars says, I don't trust them to be around once the regulations are written. Oh well, that could be nine months from now, and that might be delayed.

I know I've said this before, but it bears repeating. All those suckers at 2+2 don't know what they're talking about: It doesn't matter if NeTeller this, or electric fund transfer that. The thing that matters is whether or not the Fed makes ISP's block poker sites. Who, besides the pros, is going to pay extra money for a dial-up connection to some fly-by night operation that could be shut down at any time? Who's going to pay for software to mask their identity or rent space on a server in Europe?

Not me buddy. Good luck with that.

I've had it

2006-10-09T19:22:00.000-07:00

It's not bad enough that kids can't even go to school without someone trying to screw or kill them, but then this happens.

Whatever faith I had in humanity is gone. Most 'people' are animals who you can't and shouldn't turn your back on for a minute.

One thing I do know is that there can't be a God who pays attention to us. If there was, he'd take us collectively out into the street and shoot us like a rabid dog.

Enough

2006-10-06T17:28:00.000-07:00

Alright, I'm fucking spent. I can't keep raving about the online poker ban. Listening to everyone talk out their asses (myself included) is driving me nuts. Things are going to have to run their course.

Let me just sum up my feelings in a few lines:

I think getting money to a site is not going to be a problem. The issue is whether ISP's block the sites or not. If they do, game over, online poker's an early 21st century fad.
The United States is slowly becoming a 'holy' nation of suspects.

My plan:

Play Party until they cut off US citizens. Cash out and go to Pokerstars. When they pull out (they're only going to stay in long enough to get some rake off of the people leaving Party. Once the law gets close to implementation, they're out quick) I'll try truepoker.com or another site deemed worthy.

I have relatives in Canada. I'm probably going up there to visit this summer. Might check out the local banks (wink, wink.)

Second Letter

2006-10-03T17:01:00.000-07:00

Representative Platts:

I am writing today on the eve of the signing into law a bill that would effectively end online poker in the United States.

This is an issue that strikes at the very heart of freedom of choice and personal responsibility. While I understand the risks inherent in playing poker online, I also believe that it should be an individual's choice to do so.

There are many things that are potentially dangerous to individuals and affect the culture as a whole.

Alcohol, tobacco, firearms, even automobile use cause billions of dollars of damage and take away millions of lives each year. Yet, the decision to use these products are considered to be the choice of all free adult Americans.

Their potential for harm is understood, and therefore heavily regulated. Indeed, the government recoups some of the cost associated with the downside of these activities through taxes.

Indeed, the government both sanctions and supports other forms of gambling such as lotteries and slots parlors.

All of this you already know.

What I'm asking today is for you to consider and support any future legislation either giving online poker the same exempted status as horse racing and lotteries, or legalizing online poker in a very regulated and taxed form.

Thank you for your consideration.

I've been sending this letter to every Democratic Representative that will accept my e-mail. Probably, the only thing it will do is help me to feel better. As I understand it, the Treasury will write the regulations regarding the online gambling laws. How do we lobby the Treasury to exempt poker, or is that even worth the effort, since Bush will make it clear he won't accept that?

Hey, Thanks

2006-10-01T12:10:00.000-07:00

Senator Frist,

Let me start by thanking you from the bottom of my heart for saving me from myself and the demon internet poker. As an adult, a professional, a father, and the head of a household, you can't imagine the relief I feel now that you have taken the decision-making process concerning personal matters away from me.

Furthermore, as a non-believer in Christianity or any other form of man-made religion, it's exhilarating to be prohibited from doing something you personally consider immoral.

It will take a while to realize my new found safety. Instead of playing for dangerously seductive "penny ante" stakes in my home, I will get to go to casinos or illegal poker rooms and have to play for much higher stakes.

However, this is not a letter of praise. Instead, it's a chance for me to demand action on other, serious matters that are, as you put it, "fraying the fabric of society."

First, I'm known to have a beer or two on the weekend. I realize that this behavior is not harming anyone and is usually a matter of personal choice. In light of the billions of dollars lost and millions of lives ruined by people who do abuse alcohol, however, I clearly can't be trusted to make my own decision in this regard. I think the Volstead act should be again be the law of the land, especially considering its earlier success.

Even more important than alcohol, though, is this simple fact: I am overweight. In fact, obesity is a growing crisis nationwide and I'm stating for the record that I, for one, can not handle making decisions about food for myself. I need government laws forcing restaurants and supermarkets to monitor my eating habits and restrict my ability to buy the food of my choice.

Let me close by saying this: While it was God who gave us free will eight thousand years ago in the Garden of Eden, it's strong conservatives, patriots...Christians... like yourself who must decide when the rest of us can exercise it.

Sincerely,

Christopher Russo

I'm sending this out to Frist and Kyl, at least. Feel free to copy it and do the same. I know it's not going to do a bit of good, but it will make me feel better for the low, low price of a stamp.

How Long?

2006-09-30T19:48:00.000-07:00

How long are we going to let ourselves be ruled by the incompetent? This guy is a caricature of a politician and he disgusts me.

I say this now, while it's still legal to say: We are within a decade of becoming a theocracy, ran by hypocrites and fools, and we will all yearn for the days of the old, 'decadent' society that allowed us to make our own choices about morality.

Exposed!

2006-09-30T17:39:00.000-07:00

Mistress: "I'm reading your blog."

CL: "Oh no. I mean, oh?"

Mistress: "I'm looking for what you say about me."

CL: !

Mistress: "Hm. I like your writing. It's funny."

CL: "Thanks, dearest."

2006-09-27T16:45:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I'm on my every-couple-of-weeks bloodletting, and I'm too tired to bitch about it. Hell, I’m just going to put up the ‘whine post worksheet.' You fill it in and just pretend like I wrote it:

Here we go again. I’ve lost __________ BB’s over the past hour/day/week (circle one).

I am the _________________ poker player ever! Every time I’m dealt ______________, it gets

a.) cracked;
b.) sucked out on at the river;
c.) knocked offline

If it wasn't for _____________, I'd __________ all the ____________!

I’m __________-ing tired of these _______________ players _____________ me on the ___________ with their crappy __________ (choose starting hand.) Online poker is so __________!

I don’t know what I’m doing. I feel like I’ve

a.) never played the game before;
b.) lost all concentration;
c.) been unable to fold marginal hands;
d.) been anally probed with a barbed-wire wrapped baseball bat by Sam Farha.

I don’t think I’ll ever win again. Clearly, I’ll never make any ________________ at this game. I should _________ and take up __________ instead.

BORING

2006-09-25T18:35:00.000-07:00

Since I'm not going to report my losing sessions in an effort to make myself look like a poker star, I've got to find some other things to talk about.

Is anyone else fucking sick of Ray Lewis? What a dick. Talk about letting it go to your head. There's a difference between being a leader and having to be the only one getting the glory. I'm probably the only guy in the world who thought his stripping the ball from HIS TEAMMATE so he could run it in for a TD against the Raiders was a dick move. Yesterday, there was a fumble late in the game against the Browns. Lewis jumps in LATE and takes the ball away from, yes, his teammate again, dances around and carried the ball off the field. What a tool.

Oh, and Shaun Alexander. You pussy, you homo. You brittle-boned, underachieving 'got my money now I'm gonna coast' motherfucker. Do you even CONSIDER how you affect other people when you break your foot and go on the disabled list for the foreseable future?

What?

Two Bad Effing Days

2006-09-22T18:01:00.000-07:00

I was probably going to blog about my lack luster poker play, or how we finally have DSL and I'm jacked into the collective, but I've had two REALLY bad days at work.

I nearly got shitcanned.

And I have poker blogs to blame for it. Well, I have myself to blame: blogs were only what I used to get myself in trouble.

But, I should start at the beginning. About a week ago, I started getting "You are not permitted to view this site-contact your web administrator" messages. Not being totally stupid, I realized that anything with "poker" in it was verboten.

So, I just needed to avoid urls with poker in them, right? Easy enough. Or, is it? (cue scary music)

I forgot that some blogs have "poker" in the URL, even if the name of the blog doesn't. And, I didn't know that, if you click on the comments link to a post with "poker" in the title, then you're going to have it in that url and it's going to get blocked to.

Or, I should say, blocked and reported. I got this ominous e-mail from my supervisor:

Chris, can you meet with me and __________ tomorrow at 2:30.

_______ is our agency's hammer. She's a very genteel fifty-something African American woman who speaks like a Harvard professor and weighs probably about a buck ten. But, the thought of meeting with her without a reason given beforehand strikes fear into any sane social worker. People who 'meet' with her tend to be announced as 'no longer working for the agency' at the next staff meeting. People joke about it and giggle nervously.

Of course! I respond. By the way, what's the meeting about?

No answer. Not a good sign.

I ask some discreet, probing questions of my co-workers and find out that someone else has a meeting beforehand. We confer, and try to figure out what might be going on. Promotion? Not likely. Special project? Possibly. I've recently had a goodly portion of my clients reassigned so I can focus on agencywide assignments.

But I have a sneaking suspicion this meeting won't be good.

My suspicions are confirmed within seconds of the meeting starting.

"We've been told by the IT department that you are playing poker online at work."

"Wha? Absolutely not! I've been reading blogs about poker, and I know that's wrong but-"

"What's a blog?" the Hammer asks.

Oh jeez, this can't be happening. I spend a surreal five minutes explaining how you can't play poker without downloading a ton of software and how that's impossible to do at work, what a blog is, and how I kept running into blocked sites. I wasn't shocked that the Hammer didn't know about this stuff, but the IT department surely should, especially if they're going to have people fired for it.

Clearly, the Hammer doesn't understand blogs, but she did seem to grasp that there was no way I could have played poker. She says that she needs to take the matter to the executive director and she'll 'be in touch' tomorrow.

That was Thursday. Friday is not a good day to be 'touched' by the Hammer- most people find themselves 'no longer working with the agency' on Fridays.

So, on Friday I sit at my desk and wait. And wait. I eat lunch. Then I wait some more. I can't concentrate on my work- I'm not inclined to do any if I'm going to get fired anyway. I go through phases of heart straining anxiety and nihilistic defiance. I compose a farewell e-mail to my co-workers and a letter to the executive director asking a chance to explain myself to him and the IT dept (neither sent.) I think about what I'm going to say if I'm fired. I wonder how I'm going to pay the mortgage and if we'll have to pull the Big Monkey out of pre-school.

In general, I'm in hell.

As the day goes on, I'm sure the Hammer's going to show up at the end of the day and can me. That would make sense- fewer people in the office and still get a full day's work out of me.

Finally, five o'clock comes. I go to my supervisor and ask what's going on. She calls the Hammer who tells her "Oh, we haven't come to a decision yet, we may have to wait until Monday."

"Screw this," I say. "This isn't how you treat people. I'm going home." I stomp out and drive home. I check the answering machine and find this message on it:

"Chris, this is Janet." my supervisor "Call me at home when you get in."

I take a breath and dial the number. "Hey, just wanted to let you know," Janet said. "The Hammer called me right after you left. You're not going to be fired, no repercussions, no written warnings- this ends here."

Ahh. Dodged a bullet. And learned a lesson- no more reading your degenerate blog entries at work. No way.

Learned something else as well- I'm done with this job. I have a lead on something new. This experience has left a bad taste in my mouth. Not to mention I've probably scuttled any chance I have at getting promoted.

I was supposed to have my homegame this weekend, but I'm exhausted from all this. I'm not up for anything today. I just want to forget about all this crap.

Weekend

2006-09-18T05:04:00.000-07:00

Overall, a good weekend:

Wanta B's Football League: Win (1-1 overall)

FFL: Win (1-1 overall)

Writing: Sold not one, but two stories to the "Best Of Neo-Opsis" anthology. Very excited.

Poker: Boo! Lost about 40BB's on Friday and Saturday, but have been able to recoup over half of it on Sunday and this morning. I was probably too tired to play this weekend; definitely not thinking much above level I, Definitely kept making stupid calls and bluffs.

I will persevere.

Weekly Wrap Up

2006-09-15T06:01:00.000-07:00

Colin Powell is an American hero.

My question to the GOP: If your opinion is in the minority, and you accuse your opponents of being unpatriotic, don't YOU run the risk of being the traitors?

*************************
Actual writing news for a change. I've had a story sitting with Neo-Opsis Science Fiction Magazine, an up-and-coming Canadian publication, for over a year. I finally heard back from the editor who, sadly, rejected it.

BUT!

He liked it and showed it to a new publishing company who was working on a Best Of Neo-Opsis anthology. The book's editor is interested in some original content and allegedly wants to include my story. I haven't heard back from that guy yet, but if all goes well, I'll have another credit to my bibliography (such as it is.)

I've had another story published by Neo-Opsis, so maybe it will make the cut for the Best Of collection. It's entitled "Putting Off 'Til Tomorrow..." and you can read a brief review here.

One of my writing goals was to be published in a 'best of' collection, so I'm very excited. In fact, I've gotten somewhat of a boost in interest in writing again. My idea tank has been dry for about a year, but I've had some interesting concepts lately. I'm going to look at some stories I have and get them polished up and submitted. Then we'll see about starting something new. The effort required, though, is somewhat scary. Not sure I'll have time to write and play. I may have to (gasp) compromise.

I'm going to pimp out some of the other stories I have available for sale in a later post, so keep an eye out.

Poker is goot, but nothing noteworthy. My 'roll's hovering around the $350 mark. My goal is $400 with 5k hands played before I move up to 1/2 LHE. My question: Is the number of hands sufficient in terms of 'putting my time' in at my current limit? I'm trying to avoid the rapid upward hike in limits then subsequent crash.

Good weekend yo. I'm heading to an actual par-tay tonight so I'll let you know if I find myself naked, violated, and chained to a street sign tomorrow morning. (One can only hope.)

Competitiveness -EV for Poker?

2006-09-12T20:15:00.000-07:00

I realized something today. Competitiveness is not always an asset in Poker. Not in the actual playing, but in the psychological realm:

I had a very lucrative (for me) week last week- won about 60 dollars/BB's, with about two thirds of it coming on Friday and Saturday. Yesterday, I drop $20 and I'm upset.

WTF? Excuse me? The need/expectation of winning every session is really silly and unrealistic. I'm way up for the week, month...hell...the year, and I'm sulky over ONE measly $20 losing session? Please.

I'm gradually getting the whole winning/losing thing into perspective and tempering my competitive spirit with reality, but there's still work to be done, obviously.

*********************************

Speaking of work, I'll soon be putting this blog to work. So, if anyone has an ad they want to pay me to put up, shoot me some info and a link and I'll give it a look-see.

I'm hoping to make enough money to fund part/all of my upcoming Reno/San Fran trip.

Mind Purge

2006-09-10T19:05:00.000-07:00

Oh, baby! The dam just burst and a torrent of Aimless Stream of ConsciousnessTM is about to stomp a mudhole in your ass! Yeeeeaaaah boyeeeee!

Stick with it, there's poker content in there, I swear:

Isn't there a law against me doing so bad in fantasy football? I (used to) have an undefeated record on opening day.

I'm 2-0 today.

Oh well. A lot of this is a crapshoot. Who'd have thought Alexander would stink it up today? And Galloway went without a catch. Tony Gonzalez had a good start to the season, as did Anquan Boldin and Julius Jones, so I'm not exactly going to write the rest of the year off.

As long as we're talking about football, for Chrissakes, enough with the Manning vs. Manning showdown. I realise not even Stephen Hawkings could have imagined something as earth shattering as two brothers squaring off against each other but-

Oh, wait, Tiki and Ronde Barber. And they actually squared off against each other, as one played offense and the other defense.

I really don't think Payton v. Eli is worth maudlin, piano-laden human interest stories, with Chris Collinsworth tonguing the Manning clan's collective a-hole.

The Mistress and I have decided we want to go to Reno/Lake Tahoe/San Fran next year. Yes, there will be poker (oh yessss) but it's a family trip. Anyone have any suggestions about things to do and good, somewhat inexpensive places to stay in SF?

...oh, and where are the best cardrooms in Reno? Just asking, you know, out of curiosity.

I looked over my log and was surprised to see the winning run I've been on for the week. Alot of tense sessions where I'm done a bunch, then eke out a little win. This weekend, though, I've won over $30 at .50/1 and around $10 at .25/.50. My 'roll's over the $300 mark for the first time.

It's either feast or famine with me. I think I'm learning to deal with downswings a bit better, at least.

Pardon me if I don't find Clonie Gowan all that hot. A MILF? Yeah, I give you that one. Little long in the tooth for me, though.

And that's about if as far as poker content goes. I suck, but I don't have the time to get all analytical on your asses. And, God help me, I'm not all that interesed in doing it. I'm busy at work, and my home computer time is poker-dominated, especially when I'm winning.

Okay, tough guy, I'm writing this as I play, and I might be able to do so in the future, but I can't exactly write a treatise on the benefits of protecting your middle pair in a large pot while I watch flops. (Short version: you should)

Also, I'm just not knowledgeable enough to pass myself off as a teacher. I can parrot Sklansky's SSHE, but I can neither analyze it critically or expand upon it. At best I can apply it.

Speaking of knowledge, one of the top things I want to learn is how to figure out what my pre-flop equity is. I'm trying to break free of the paint-by numbers (although very good) guidelines provided in SSHE. I haven't found any charts offering these stats that I trust.

Is there one anyone can recommend, or is there no way around crunching hands through a poker stats application?

I have realized one thing, and it's given me a little more leeway pre-flop, is that SSHE's recommendations for loose v. tight games can be switched out based on my position and number of people in the pot IN EACH HAND.

In the past, I was determining if a table was tight or loose and then sticking with that assumption until I saw a trend in the other direction. Now, if I'm on the button, for example, and there're six limpers before me, I have a wider variety of hands I can play.

Why? Because my pot equity is higher. If there are six others in the pot, I only need to win one in seven times to break even, as opposed to one in three times if the table is playing tight that hand.

I know, I know, elementary stuff. I knew what pre-flop equity was, but I wasn't using my noggin to apply it outside of what I'd read in SSHE. I think this can only mean I'm growing. Now, what I need to do, is learn what pot equity I can expect out of potentially playable hands, and I can fine tune my hand selection even further.

If complaining how I can't write anything of substance and following it up with something that has some (slight) heft to it isn't Aimless Stream of ConsciousnessTM, then I don't know what is.

C'mon railbird, come back! You can't get us hooked then take our drugs away! I MUST see pros donk off huge pots then complain like the assholes I deal with in micro-limit land.

Ah, the Great York Interstate Fair! (Wind it up and it Runs Nine Days!) There's no better place to experience fat hick chicks in too-tight acid washed jeans, fat urban chicks in the latest "Ghetto Slut" attire, and carnies ogling your wife's boobs.

No, honestly, we had a good time, even though I may have to turn in my man card. One of the main purposes of the York Fair is to eat. A lot. I was geared up for fried this, frozen that, and maybe even a little barbeque this.

I started with what a light appetizer of fried veggies. Let me warn you, fellow fair goers, fried veggies, or as I'll forever refer to them "gut stuffer," is a fool's bet, a siren song. I was freakin' full to the gills after the last mushroom and it's golden-hued crispy shell went down my gullet.

No cheesesteak, no italian sausage, no (gasp) funnel cake! It was all I could do to force down a milkshake (large) before calling it quits. Quite disappointing.

Couldn't find any fried cheese curds, either. I would've made room for those, dammit.

How to shift your 4 year old's paradigm: Show her a cow being milked.

"That's how we get milk, hon."
Pause. Pause. "Oh."

Favorite T-shirts at the Great York Interstate Fair:
1. "I see dumb people"
2. "Silence is Golden. Duct Tape is Silver"

And, yes, since everything in my life works its way back to poker (according to the Mistress) I was talking gaming and poker with a Democratic candidate for the Pennsylania State House of Reps.

Dammit, his name escapes me, but he said that it won't be long before table games will be legal in Pennsylvania.

By his analysis, West Va. and Delaware will legalize table games "the second" the proposed slots parlors open up in Gettysburg and elsewhere. Pennsylvania will have to keep up with the "arms race" and allow table games as well.

Cool if it does, and God help me as well.

Oh, Sweet Endorphins

2006-09-07T12:14:00.000-07:00

Mowed the lawn last night and that gave me a good boost. I need to see my doctor- the endorphin rush from that little bit of exercise was like a bong hit. Me thinkee my happy pills need to be tweaked.

In the near future, I think I'll write a bit about depression and how it feels to me.

For now I'll leave you a few things to ponder:

K9o, 68o, 39, A4o, 72o, Q3o, Q6o...

These are not good starting hands. Yet, this is just a mere sampling of the hands I got over and over and over last night. Card deadness=me.

The results of my last two sessions:

+$0.00 with a stack fluctuation of -18BB's and +1BB.

+$0.75 with a stack fluctuation of -4BB's and +4BB's.

Both nights at full attention levels, heavy into the grind. Glad I'm not doing this for a living.

On that tangent, I think it would be pretty cool to be a pro. Wow, what an earth shattering statement! It's incisive commentary like this that keeps 'em coming back. Seriously, I'd dig the sense of being my own employee, setting my own hours...I'd have to move, though, because I'd have to split my time between live and online...unless Pennsylvania suddenly decided to allow poker rooms. Fat chance of that, and just as well, because the Mistress would euthanize me if I even suggested it. (She lived through the unfortunate career change from social worker to brewer- I wouldn't put her through something like that again.)

Let me leave you with this question:

Which is more frightening:

A. That the US operates secret prisons, joining the ranks of the USSR, China, Nazi Germany and countless other dictatorships;

B. The fact that our President feels comfortable enough admitting, in public, that we operate such prisons.

Think about it.

Sucker-Punched

2006-09-06T10:22:00.000-07:00

I was moving right along today and then, BAM! Depression just runs right over me. I'm in the dumps. Bad weather, bad food, no exercise, and my hot office is making me feel like crap! Now I understand how people who're depressed turn to destructive ways of self-medication. All I want to do is go home and either sleep or play poker.

I was taking a stab at eating better and I met my modest goals last week. Just screwed the pooch today though. What a fucking glutton I am! And, I need to get out and do some walking or lift some weights, even do some housecleaning. Something. Got to get the energy level up.

Poker is only 8.5 hours away. NFL starts tomorrow. Weekend in 2.5 days. Have to hold on. Hoooooold ooooonnnnnn!

Draft Disaster!

2006-09-05T10:18:00.000-07:00

I didn’t get to my friend’s house until 3:30, just when our fantasy draft was set to start. I learned, to my intense pleasure, that they’d already chosen the draft order and I was first!

Outstanding. The only other time I’d made the starting pick was the year I won my first championship.

They were waiting for me to get there, so I didn’t have much time to think, but I knew who I wanted. I grabbed a sticker sheet and strode to the board. I pressed the sticker with “Alexander” on it to the board and did a little “in your face” move to my fellow team-members.

Everyone, strangely was silent, and remained that way for two picks. Then, finally, someone in the back says “Hey, Russo, did you really mean to pick a tight-end?”

Wha…?

Yes, I chose STEVEN Alexander instead of SAUN Alexander. Gah!

Thank God they were good sports about it. I put the Seattle running back’s sticker over the no-name tight-end’s to gales of laughter. It was so stupid, I couldn’t even come back with a witty rejoinder, I just sat down, shook my head, and took the abuse.

After the draft, got whored out playing silly games like 1-2-3 drop and Queens and Bitches. I'd never played them, and it showed.

Poker=Meh. Slowly recouping what I lost last week.

Hey how about that High Stakes Poker? I enjoyed watching Negreanu steam. I don’t dislike him, I just like the drama. Must’ve been tough on Lindgren, though, to pile on a friend like that.

I wonder why Abe Kaplan keeps grousing about the prop bets. I agree, it’s annoying to not know what they’re talking about, but I can’t see what the point is for Abe to keep saying that the producers have to do something about it. They do their commentary in post-production anyway, don’t they? Is Abe trying to send a message to the producers for later episodes? If so, this seems to be a silly way to do it.

I’d like them to incorporate the prop bets into the show- let us know what the bets are and what the stakes are.

HSP is the most entertaining poker program out there, no doubt. But, it comes across as canned, to me. Matusow was staked, that was clear. I’m wondering how many of the players are playing with their own money? How many are playing just for exposure?

There’s a rule of thumb amongst social scientists: You can’t get truly candid behavior from a subject once they know they’re being observed.

I find myself wondering how the play, decision making, and table talk is affected because of the oh-so-subtle cameras sharing the table.

Editor's note: Shaun Alexander. Gabe Kaplan. I steal time from work to write this crap, so I don't get a lot of time to proofread.

This Will Not be a Good Post

2006-09-01T06:10:00.000-07:00

Just some disjointed tidbits to wrap up the week:

1. Fought back from being stuck 20BB's at a Stars .25/.50 limit table to finish up about a dollar and a half. Very satisfying to come back and post a winning session.

What's a 'bone' in relation to poker? Someone kept referring to other players as 'bones.' Given the context, I'm pretty sure it meant the same as fish or donkey. Has anyone heard this expression before?

2. Fantasy Football draft this weekend. This is a much more fun draft than my other league, as it's made up of my good friends from college. I've won back-to-back championships in this league and finished ITM last season.

3. Made reservations for AC! Not until March, though, and during the week. Weekends are just plain too expensive and I'm not confident that a poker player's rate will be available. It's a Thursday night, though, so I'm confident there will be action as it'll be getting close to the weekend. I'll have to think about playing a tourney- there's no other way but to consider it as -EV and it'll take precious time away from the cash games. Hmm, guess I've already made the decision.

I don't want to spend all my time at the Trop this trip. I want to try Caesar's renovated room, and maybe hit the Borgata. What I'd LIKE to do is build my 'roll at a 2/4 table then move up to 3/6 or even 5/10. We'll see.

4. The Bush Administration is now saying that people who don't support them in the war in Iraq are appeasing terrorists, and suffer from "moral confusion." That's nice. How soon before we have to round up these immoral appeasers to ensure a safe monarchy, er, country?

Oh well, I can't worry about that now. I need to get ready for the sickening display the GOP is planning for the 5-year anniversary of 9/11. It's unseemly how they claim each year's anniversary as their own, stirring up our fears for their gain while insinuating that they're the only ones patriotic and Christian enough to truly understand it. Then, as they drape themselves in the flag and rhetorically parade the dead in front of us, each of whom would vote Republican, presumably, if Clinton hadn't let Al-Queda kill them, they have the nerve to accuse Democrats of using the issue for political gain AND of being unpatriotic terrorists.

And I suppose most of the Little Brains out there who are too lazy, or dulled by their addiction to TV, or bullied by their clergy or by talk radio hosts, will lap it up again and vote for the GOP, who really couldn't give a shit about anything other than keeping the cash grab for the rich going for a few more years and pushing religion down our throats to keep us stupid and unquestioning.

Okay, I didn't intend to go on a political rant, but our country's in the worst mess I've ever seen and I'm tired of being quiet about it.

Anyway, have a good labor day holiday and win some money at the tables!

Now THAT's Refreshing

2006-08-31T06:17:00.000-07:00

Ah, did I sleep well last night! You know those nights where you go to sleep and then wake up almost immediately, like you’ve been in a coma? I feel ten years younger (the cuppa joe didn’t hurt either.)

The Mistress reports that I snored loud enough to shake the house. I told her she should’ve nudged me awake and she said that she did. Oh well. My theory about snoring is this:

1. I didn’t hear me, so I’ll only tentatively agree that said snoring actually occurred.
2. It didn’t wake me up. So what’s all the fuss?

Actually, we both snore loudly. I’ve been downstairs watching TV when her Mistressness is taking a nap and thought “What is that noise?” only to go upstairs and be buffeted by the loudest, most painful snoring I’ve ever heard. I’ve woken her up a few times because I’m afraid she’ll stop breathing.

Apnea? I know I personally can’t sleep on my back anymore. I don’t hear her actually stop breathing, and she doesn’t snore every night, so I’m going to say no to that.

******************************

Had two much more satisfying, if not completely satisfying, hold’em sessions last night. Played about an hour each of .5/1 on Party and .25/.50 at Stars. Won about six or seven dollars total. In both instances, I ran up a good bit, then slowly whittled it away. I had the presence of mind to stop while I was in the black for both sessions. Also played some funny-money HORSE and came out ahead, thanks to the luck of the ignorant (me) in PLO and Razz.

I know the Grinder has noticed that Party is now pretty tight. What I was surprised at was how loose Stars has been recently. Sure it was still a penny ante table, but I’ve always found Stars to be much tighter. The table I sat at was routinely 4-5-6 limpers to a flop and had the worst players. Took down a 12+ dollar pot (24BB!) Those are the type of games I like. I’ll put my good pre-flop and serviceable post-flop play against the chance of being sucked out on every time. I can play more of those marginal hands for one bet that can net huge pots. Mmmmm…huge pots.

In contrast, Party has become 2-3 to a pot, usually with a pre-flop raise. Tough for someone who’s still closer to a neophyte than an expert.

Frustrating

2006-08-30T06:00:00.000-07:00

Tuesday was Poker Night last night. Started early and was up about 18BB's for awhile. Ended the night after hitting my loss limit of 10BB's. Very frustrating.

I'm trying to analyze my play and I can't put a finger on what happened. I got sucked out on a few times. I got stuck in at least one large pot where I just had to call down. Turned out I sucked out, then got resucked out on on the river. I have a suspicion that I'm betting out and calling in small pots too often, but I can't say this definitively.

Two things I screwed up for sure were my concentration and my 'roll management. Hard to play well when you're reading blogs and downloading fight videos from youtube. Also, my winnings had whittled down to about 3BB's and I decided to press on, instead of locking in the win. On the one hand, I had reason to believe that I was going to win more, but my concentration was so bad that I should've counted my blessings and stopped.

Oh well. Today's a different day. I'm starting to turn a mental/emotional corner in that I know, even though the heater's over and I've not been an overall winner for the last few days, that I will win again and I have a good chance of increasing the roll in the future.

Two funny things that happened last night. I couldn't get anyone engaged in a conversation at my table, until I pondered out loud if I was playing with a table full of 'bots. I never thought this would be such a touchy subject, but everyone chimed in to make sure I knew they were humans.

After taking my limit lumps, I played some funny money Razz. (That game seems really pretty easy to me, so I'm sure I'm in danger of getting seriously hurt playing it.) There was a guy talking with someone else about how he wants to play in the Sunday Millions and how he thinks he can take it down. He said he'd probably just buy in because the satellites are full of really good players. I have no idea how he thought that those good players wouldn't end up in the main event. I commented about how funny it is to hear someone at a play money Razz table saying how he thinks he can win the big one. The guy got all pissy and said how he was having a private conversation with his friend. He said how he'd made a final table at a MTT before.

Me: "A dollar tournament?"

Him: Pause. "3 dollar"

Me: "High Roller."

Him: "What do you know?"

Me: "I know I wouldn't be playing funny money Razz if I was good at high stakes tournaments."

Me: "High roller."

Internet harrassment can be fun sometimes.

Fantasy Football Draft

2006-08-28T06:33:00.000-07:00

It's 88 degrees in my office today. Fucking second-rate office space. Now I'll have to drop a deuce in less than optimal conditions. The proper temperature for this activity is 72 degrees F or lower. Preferably lower.

Last Saturday was draft day for one of my two Fantasy Football Leagues. I got into this one through a neighbor. Draft day for this league is boring. People take way too much time making picks, and everyone is so serious that there is very little conversation. It doesn't help that most of the people don't know each other that well.

On the other hand, I took third or fourth last year which covered my entry fees with a bit left over.

Here's as much of my line-up as I remember:

QB:

Tom Brady

RB: Obviously, Alexander's a stud. Jones and Bell are in RB by committee situations. Betts might start, but possibly not, if Portis gets healthy or TJ Duckett starts. He should get some goal line work, though. There is very little value at this position, in my opinion, after the first two rounds.

Saun Alexander
Julious Jones
Tatum Bell
Ladell Betts

WR: Aging Ward was my first WR pick and was probably a mistake. Aging Galloway I picked up a couple rounds later and I was happy with that, although he is admittedly still a gamble. Lloyd and Edwards are flyers, quite frankly. I passed up on Lee Evans and I'm not happy about that. This is my weakest position, I think.

Hines Ward
Joey Galloway
Brandon Lloyd
Braylon Edwards

TE:

Tony Gonzalez- Will he return to form?

KICKER:

Neil Rackers: This is my way of getting on the Cardinals bandwagon.

DST:

Tampa Bay: The Sports Illustrated cheat sheet had the Bucs as second or third ranked, but others I saw (after I drafted them) had them much lower. Oh well. I heard today that there is very little difference in total points between the best and worst D's.

Overall, I'm not that disappointed in this draft. My GM strength comes from picking up free agents in the first few weeks of the season. I'll let you know how I do.

*********************************

How do you know when your heater is over?

When you can only win money playing Razz.

But, CL, didn't you JUST make this statement?

Make no mistake, you will not find me playing Razz for money in the near, intermediate, or far future...

Shut the fuck up, you. Stupid lack of discipline.

Yep, the heater is over. It's funny how, when I'm on a run, I feel almost like I can read the whole table. I know where I stand when I'm in a hand and I seem to have no problem knowing when to fold or bluff.

When I start losing, though, I feel like I'm starting as a beginner again. Forget the marginal hands I get and play correctly, but have to give up when they hit the flop, and the daggers on the river that kill my winning hands. In fact, I didn't have many suckouts at all over the last few days.

I mean I'm not laying hands down when I should. I'm making marginal calls when I should be folding. I'm bluffing or trying to take the blinds before I have reads on my opponents. I'm taking too many risks that were probably bad decisions but were not hurting me when my luck was good.

So, my goals for this week are discipline, 'roll management, and attention. My cutoff is -10BB's. I'm comfortable getting stuck for more when I'm running good, but I'm not confident I can dig myself out when I'm on a downswing. Plus, my frustration level rises when I'm stuck on a downswing and I seriously risk getting too loose and wild.

Heater=Me

2006-08-24T05:53:00.000-07:00

Okay, against my better judgement, I'm going to make the following announcement: I'm on a freaking heater. I'm crushing .50/1 on Party. Since August 5th, I've played just about every day and logged only two losing sessions. I'm up over 100BB's in that time, including several winning sessions in the 10-20+ BB range.

I have been paying big time attention to how my opponents play, and I'm finally using the notes feature to flag donks and good players. Also, I'm reading my moods a little better and quitting when I'm not focused or tired. In fact, one of my recent losing sessions was after last weekend's poker marathon and I was going stir crazy with poker. I knew I didn't really want to play, and I paid the price. I've been REALLY good at stopping if my winnings are being whittled away or if I feel like I'm going to start nodding off. Believe it or not, I used to play and fall asleep between bets.

Also, I've been more aggressive than usual, especially in heads up situations or if I'm first to act with only two other weak players in the pot. I've always thought I wasn't aggressive enough, but Dave was nice enough to put my Poker Tracker ranking on his site: Tight Aggressive/Aggressive. Pretty gratifying.

In fact, I think I'm bluffing too much and I'm making some questionable calls that haven't hurt me too much yet. Why?

Well, first, I'm running in to more heads up hands than at the lower levels (go figure.) I feel pretty much locked into betting out if I'm first to act. Unless I've got a hand strong enough to slow play, I think checking is pretty much conceding the hand. So, if I've got second pair and my bet is called, what do I do if I don't improve on the turn? Checking only puts me in the dilemma of whether to call or not. As odd as it sounds, being aggressive in these situations feels right to me, even though the pots are small and I risk losing more money than if I was more conservative.

The main reason for my creeping looseness is this, and I hate to admit it: Even though I'm just wringing money out of the games I sit at, I'm getting bored and antsy with limit hold'em. Ack! Limit is the ONLY +EV game for me at this point. I have no interest or inclination at this time to sacrifice my gains learning a new game or paying my dues in NL. Tournies- forget it.

So, where do I find myself for about an hour last night? At a play money Razz table. Razz. May the Lord Baby Jebus forgive me, but I actually seem to like this game. I immediately had a better feel for it than Stud, which is just a confusion of cards to me. I had a better handle on what hands to play, and what my opponents might have. I even won a few hands and finished ahead.

Still, it would be nice to have a handle on a few somewhat important aspects. Like what the betting structure is exactly. Make no mistake, you will not find me playing Razz for money in the near, intermediate, or far future, but it might be enough of a distraction to help get over the monotony of Limit HE until I can move up to 1/2 and satisfy my action habit in a relatively safe manner.

Look Away, Felicia!

2006-08-23T11:17:00.000-07:00

Two of the three reasons why I'm still the luckiest guy in the world, even when I do run my aces into an obvious flush:

Little General

BIG Monkey

The Mistress has been somewhat...averse... to any pictures of herself being public ever since that bank job in Tacoma went horribly wrong.

Clearly, I'm not exactly motivated to work today.

Six Degrees of Separation- The Only Universal Truth

2006-08-23T08:27:00.000-07:00

So, I find out that someone I met recently through work is the niece of Pol Pot. That means I 'knew' him through only one degree of separation. This, and the other people I know through Six Degrees: Bush (Father and Son), Clinton (Pres. and Sen.), Queen Elizabeth, Joe Paterno, the Hillside Strangler, Pope John Paul VI, the author Toni Morrison, and, yes, Kevin Bacon have convinced me that not only is this theory true, but it is the only universal law that we can put any faith in.

The Law of Six Degrees is the new bedrock that I am building my life upon from this point on. Look for future posts such as :

"The Law of Six Degrees and Low Limit Hold 'Em" and

"Family Finances, the Six Degrees Way"

Join me in furthering the philosophical revolution of the 21st century!

Or die!

High Stakes Fun

2006-08-20T18:27:00.000-07:00

Check out highstakes railbird when you get a chance. It's a peek into the games where they're winning a salary's worth of money each hand. I couldn't care less about the hand histories, but there're funny gems like this. Spirit Rock just got a lubeless anal violation for about 20k from John Juanda:

Spirit Rock: everything ok?
Spirit Rock: you played it so obvious too
Spirit Rock: im a dummy to call
Spirit Rock: but i guess you put me on dummy to make that small raise on turn
Spirit Rock: its fun to run well sir
badlydrawn (Observer): JJ doesnt speak to his donkeys
John Juanda: ty badlydrawn
John Juanda: no PLO today?

Damn, where do I get a railbird to act as the middle man between me and the donks on the .50/1 tables?

What makes this funnier is Juanda's last line. The day before, Spirit Rock, who is a guy named Prahlad Friedman, went on tilt and lost about 100k in PLO, so Juanda's question was a polite little dig.

Live Blog Experiment

2006-08-20T08:07:00.000-07:00

It's been a poker playing extravaganza this weekend, and I'm having trouble staying focused. I thought I'd try something new and live blog a poker session. Hopefully not too boring.

11:00am EST I'm up about two bucks and haven't had many good cards so far. Table is tight and pretty passive and I've had some luck bluffing in position. Otherwise, nada. Fold, foldy, foldalot.

Whatever happened to table chat? No one talks anymore, and I can't draw anybody out. There's someone who claims to be from Compton and I've been asking him if he knows Ice Cube or Snoop Dog.

No answer.

11:09: Won four fifty with AQ in the BB. Called a raise from the cut off. Hit a Q on the turn and my opponent folded. Next hand was AJo and folded to a raise and a caller pre-flop. We were briefly six-handed, now back to nine.

11:18: Tested a blind steal with A5o on the button and was successful. Next hand was A3sooted, hit an A on the flop. Heads up- guy in front of me (BB) bets out. I fold. I didn't know what he's capable of here, very few hands are being shown down.

Fold, Fold. Then folded to me in MP with QJs. I raise, and win the blinds.

11:23: A5 in the BB. I check and three of us see a 3d kd 5s flop. Check, bet, and I raise, since I've got middle pair and a backdoor flush draw. The checker folds and the original bettor calls.

Turn: 4s. My opponent bets. I estimate I have seven outs and there's about six bucks in the pot. I call.

River: Ac. My opponent checks, I bet, he folds. I drag pot. I'm up $6.50.

Whew this live blogging is harder than I thought.

11:30: This may be the day of ace-rag in the BB. I made some loose bets in with A7o, but the aggression paid off and I won the pot uncontested.

11:33: Had to give up AJo after the flop, then found pocket 5's in MP. Hit my set, but there were two spades on the board, so I bet out. Ended up heads up with someone trying to push me off the pot. Dragged $10.25. Up +12 bucks.

11:38: Lost three bucks. Had TP with a jack kicker. Called down by someone with the nut flush draw who spiked an ace on the river. Stupid river.

Finally we're seeing some showdowns and I'm getting some info. Is a table tight if only three people are seeing the flop but two of them are playing terrible hands?

How is it I'm getting to play on a Sunday morning, you ask? The monkeys are at their grandparents for the weekend! I'm feeling a bit guilty because I should probably do something a bit more constructive, but WTF, I don't get that much time to myself.

11:55: I've had my BB stolen twice by the button. I need to make a stand soon. Also, I'm playing too loosely post-flop. I'm up $5.50.

The Mistress came upstairs and gave me a ration of shit for playing poker again. I gave it back to her for watching three movies in a row. When you're parents, you sometimes have trouble feeling comfortable with down time. We'd have had a better time if the AC trip had worked out.

12:05 Drug a middle pot with a set of sevens. Then, tried to steal with Q10 in the cutoff. The BB reraised, but he'd done that before and since I had a somewhat legit hand and I was feeling fiesty, I capped it. Hit a ten for top pair, and he called. Turn was a blank. I bet, he called. River, a ten, I drag pot. Might have sucked out on him, but maybe not. He might have had an ace or two overcards. Up 10.75.

Well, I think I'm done for the day. I'm a bit bored and it's making me make bad decisions. The Mistress came in and tried screwing with me again, I think she wants some attention. Hope I didn't bore everyone too much.

I'm Gonna Burn the Fucker Down

2006-08-18T07:51:00.000-07:00

Tonight’s the night I p@wn, whore out, bend over the tourney at the Hardware Bar. I’m gonna stomp a mud hole in the ass of that thing. I'm gonna take the fucker, wrestle it to the ground and...

Meh.

Why do I beat my head against the wall with this tournament? It’s about the only way I can play any live poker and since AC is not going to happen this weekend, I’m jonesing to hear the click-click of poker chips and itching to squeeze actual playing cards.

Oh yeah, and the waitresses are shizzle my nizzle hizzot. Someone asked me in comments to get some pictures, but that’s not going to happen. I am not smooth enough to take pictures and not come across as a creepy stalker type individual. Plus, I don’t exactly have a digital camera. Yes, I realize how lame this is. Yes, really lame.

I know, it’s lame.

What’s going on with SirFwalgman? He’s really getting worked up by the flamers from the peanut gallery. (Did that sound somewhat gay?) He’s always been a bit of a lightning rod with his unorthodox play and his penchant to wear his emotions on his sleeve, but he used to either ignore or laugh his haters off pretty well.

Now, he seems to let things get under his skin. What’s going on, I wonder? Could he still be emotionally and physically rattled from pissing into his own face? If so, this would be completely understandable.

Hopefully we won’t be getting some bad news later on down the line.

More Verbal Diarrhea

2006-08-17T06:17:00.000-07:00

Damn, looks like I’m going to get my blab on again. It seems the Aimless Stream of Consciousness is at flood stage and is about to overflow its banks, so either get in the rescue boat or start filling sandbags!

*********************************************

Two Dreams for Ye:

Two nights ago, I dreamt about a vine that we planted near our house. It started growing thick tendrils so fast it threatened to engulf the house and suffocate me, the Mistress, and the Big Monkey. I don’t know where the other honeychile was, maybe at her grandparents.

So, we ran from room to room, cutting ourselves free, and trying to save ourselves, until we threw the BM through an upstairs window and jumped out after her.

I called an exterminator because, really, who else are you going to call when you’re being attacked by a giant vine? They came over in armor and helmets shaped like dog heads. It reminded me of a modern version of an Egyptian God like Anubis or Horus, although I don’t remember which one was the dog. They came and made short work of the vine, and then made fun of me for being such a cry baby.

#

Last night I dreamt that a good friend from college was involved in some uber-ultimate-super-poker tournament that had the highest stakes, best players, and was kept on the hush-hush. It was a ten-day long tournament and the payouts, apparently, were huge.

My friend told me to sign up and play in it, because, apparently, you could buy-in right in the middle of the darned thing, even when everyone was in the money. Sure, I said. It seemed logical- I can’t money in a stupid dollah SNG on Stars, I’m sure I qualify for such a prestigious event.

The tournament was held in an otherwise empty office suite. There were about ten players, none I recognized besides my friend, playing on your average folding office tables. There was a huge flatscreen on at the other side of the space. In front of it was a love seat, where I sat. Next to that was Joe Hachem, reclining on a big plastic tub of cash, which I took for his winnings from the tournament.

I sat there for about two hours waiting for someone to bust out so I could play. I was wearing those wraparound granny sun glasses and a combination of sweatshorts and t-shirt that can only be described as “fatty slobwear.” My friend came by and told me to register, stupid, you can play any time. I go to the receptionist and try to sign the list, but she grabs it.

“Have you won the WSOP, a WPT event, or any other major tourney?”

“Um, no. I finished in the money in the Mookie once.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, you don’t qualify for this tournament. You can sign up for our Bahamas cruise promotion. If you win that one, you can play in next year’s tournament.”

I passed. On the way out, I visited the restroom and promptly dribbled/splashed pee all over my shins.

******************************************

I really tried to watch “Hero” last night. What I really wanted to do was play poker, though. Since I have no control and since baby does what baby wants, I played poker instead. Won 11.5BB’s too.

The Mistress called me at work this morning and asked if I’d watched that damn movie yet.

“No,” I said. I heard a sigh on the other end. Damn it, watching a movie should be about wanting to watch a movie, not about having to. I promised to watch it tonight.

******************************************

To continue on the Mistress front, she and the Big Monkey went to Hershey Park yesterday. I was asleep by the time they came home, which was around midnight. My daughter needed new sheets on her bed (can’t make it dry through the night yet) so, instead of doing it herself, the Mistress wakes me up and asks me to get her some clean sheets from the laundry room.

Excuse me? WTF!? Do it your damn self! Heaven would’ve come crashing down and the Hounds of Hell would be unleashed on my sorry ass if I’d have woken her up for anything other than a terrorist attack or a tornado, but you can’t walk down to the basement and get a sheet by yourself?

Of course, I did it.

**************************************

I’m not sure why this works, but I got another fish to rebuy last night. I don’t know if people just want to be accepted, but asking them to rebuy, then doing something funny like ‘chanting’ “rebuy!” in the chat seems to work.

I’m one of my upswings again, apparently. These are so much damn fun. If only upswings didn’t turn downward…

***************************************

Is there no one who can do anything effectively?

I heard a report on NPR this morning that the National Guard forces sent to the Mexican border to help out the border patrol aren’t authorized to carry weapons. So, border patrol officers have been assigned to provide security for the NG troops.

The result is that the number of officers freed up to catch illegal aliens by the NG is lower than the number of officers who are now TIED UP doing ‘nanny patrol’ (their term) for the NG troops.

WTF?! When stupidity and silly ineffectiveness reaches this proportion, you have to start wondering what the real agenda is here. Clearly, the Bush Administration isn’t THAT interested in stemming illegal aliens and never was. However, they need to LOOK like they are. So we have this idiocy.

*****************************************

I think I need to do an informative poker post. Something limit hold’em related. Perhaps overcalls, or river play. I need to work on that. Or, I could go in-depth into some pre-flop theory. I need to really learn that stuff, so I can be more flexible when I play.

Or, I could just continue to spew some more inanity. I should poll my six loyal readers. What say you?

*********************************************

Speaking of loyal readers, a big shout out to my one regular international reader in Zakinthos, Greece. I know no Greek, so I can’t make you feel at home with a taste of your native tongue. Oh well, thanks anyway for reading.

Down with OPM

2006-08-16T18:53:00.000-07:00

My most recent calculations indicate that my 'roll is ever-so-slightly within the magical realm of Other People's Money.

For some, this is nothing to brag about, they've been able to free-roll with various bonuses and skilled poker play.

I, on the other hand, have scratched, clawed, and earned all my seed money back by stopping a major leak (NLHE tournies) and grinding out the BB's.

The last time I was livin' this large was about twenty-four hours before my 'roll got slaughtered, so I'm a little nervous. But not so nervous that I won't say BOO-YAA!

BOO-YAA!

Wildwood Impressions and RSC

2006-08-16T05:24:00.000-07:00

Ah, beach vacations! The sun, the beach, my loving family, ogling hotties in bikinis, laughter, memories, the lights of the boardwalk.

Mmmm...hotties in bikinis.

A Sampling of T-shirts for sale on the Wildwood Boardwalk:

1. "Real Boobs"
2. "When da police are around...Warn A Brotha!" (With a Warner Bros. logo in the background)
3. "I'm Sotally Tober!"
4. "Who Let the Mexicans Out?"

The best overheard cell phone conversation:

"Yeah, that's right, 7500 dollars. Half now, half upon delivery."

That was said by the shady Italian guy in the room next to ours. He spent the better part of a night making phone calls outside our room that suggested that he was either trying to set up a deal or was an out of work wiseguy trying to hook up with another crew. Yeah, a generalization based on his ethnicity, but I'm a guinea wop too, so I'm allowed, nigga.

Here's some free advice: If you're a sixty-something, chainsmoking retired factory worker, the question "Should I wear my bikini?" IS ALWAYS NO!

Only in New Jersey: We were walking along the beach when the Mistress nudges me. "Look at that!" she said, pointing to the sand. There was a clear circular, something, on the sand.

"It's a jellyfish," I said.

"No," the Mistress replied. "It doesn't look like a jellyfish, it's too clear. It looks like a...a..."

"No, it doesn't.."

"...a breast implant!"

Considering where we were and the history of medical waste appearing on the beaches in south Jersey, I admit that I was almost convinced. Finally, we dissected the thing with a shell and discovered that it wasn't silicone, but jellyfish.

Later that day, the Big Monkey collected a whole bucketful of the clear nasties and dumped them at the feet of her grandmother. Ahh, the laughs we had!

*****************************

Now sit back, relax, and let the warm currents of my Aimless Stream of Consciousnesstm wash over you:

Frank DeFord had a commentary today on NPR about legalizing sports betting in general, and on the internet in particular. His take: legalize, tax, and regulate it, we're all going to do it anyway. I sort of came in on it midstream, so I don't know if he mentioned poker, but I believe the poker cause is helped by this.

DeFord's said that, yes, people will become addicted, but people become addicted to alcohol and tobacco and those are heavily regulated and taxed, and they're not going anywhere anytime soon. He also said that people who feel his view doesn't show enough 'caring,' need to realize that society doesn't care enough about people to demand a liveable wage for people, or provide health care for everyone.

****************************

Personally, I think the internet gambling legislation will pass. There's enough support on both sides of the aisle to get it done, and, in this closely divided Senate, you don't need that many swing voters to get a bill pushed through. Also, the disgraceful GOP is going to whiff on a lot of the bigger legislation this close to the elections, and the anti-gambling bill is perfect for them to try to seem like they're both effective and on a first name basis with Jesus.

It feels wrong to say this, but I think the only chance of it not passing is if the Congress gets tied up into a big debate about new anti-terrorism legislation. Even then, they could tack it onto a bill the Dems can't vote against, like their cynical and shameful attempt to do so with the minimum-wage hike.

******************************

The Mistress has told me that under no circumstances will I be allowed to circumvent any anti-gambling legislation that passes. There are times when I know I have wiggle room. This is not one of those times.

*******************************

AC is a no-go this weekend. I doubt we're going to get a poker player room-rate and we don't have the money to pay full price. Also, we just got back from that neck of the woods and the thought of driving out there and back for one night isn't that appealing. I'm going to set up a weekend in October. I think the somewhat higher stakes I'm playing now is providing enough adrenaline to keep me satisfied.

We still have a monkey-free weekend ahead of the us! I predict some reading, relaxing, movies, a dinner out, and some Mistress-centered freakiness.

********************************

Dragged a seventeen buck pot last night! That's my personal online record. Lost a 25 dollar pot as well. Had pocket queens against three opponents with flushes and straights possible on the board. Check-raised the turn and got criticized for it by someone else after the hand.

He/she was probably right, but my thinking was that the pot was quite large by then and I figured I was still probably drawing live and I wanted to knock some people out of the pot. Given the opportunity, I should have bet out. Optimally, I would have liked to straight raise instead of check raise, and force people to call two bets instead of calling an additional one, but I didn't have that chance. Next time I talk to Sklansky I'll ask if I did the right thing.

BTW, the winner had two pair on an unpaired board. He put in four bets pre-flop with 6-7 sooted, so I WAS drawing live to a set and to counterfeit his hand. Still, the check raise probably wasn't a great idea, decision-wise.

********************************

All in all, I do notice some difference in the play at .25/.50 and .50/1.00. Many more hands are won before a showdown, and there seem to be more players playing mostly premium hands. Still, there are still donkeyfish out there.

*********************************

My jedi-mind tricks continue to work. I got another calling station to rebuy after busting out. Yay, me!

*********************************

I like Netflix (I hope I don't give anyone whiplash with this sudden topic change) but there's something that bugs me. To get the most from our money, I now feel obligated to watch movies as soon as possible to get more DVD's per month. We have "Hero" now, and the Mistress is hounding me to watch it so we can get it back into the mail.

There's nothing I hate more than feeling I 'have' to do a recreational activity. It sort of takes all the fun out of it.

That's it for now. Dismissed!

Back to Hell

2006-08-15T05:44:00.000-07:00

I'm back from the beach and on work tilt, as it seems I've scheduled everything at the same time. Hate wasting the work day unraveling stupid calendar errors. Also on backlog e-mail tilt. If you're going to get bad news about projects you're working on, you'll get them either right before your vacation, or you'll find it in your e-mailbox on the first day you get back.

So...freaking...busy.

Up two bucks last night. I've been 'graduated' from the beginners' tables at Party since I've "had enough time to practice." So, I'm forced to move up levels again, to .50/1.00. Not too happy about that, but I have about 150 BB's so I'm not in too much danger, I hope. The table I was at was weak-tight, but I caught cards and came out ahead. Had alot of those "would've won if I'd played..." hands. Decisions, not results.

Hopefully AC this weekend and a nice soft 2/4 table. I'm on the waiting list for a discounted room at the Trop and I guess I'll find out tomorrow if I'm going to get it or not. Outlook: pessimistic.

Meh

I Feel Dirty

2006-08-09T05:32:00.000-07:00

Bagged work yesterday and put in a six hour session. I started way too loose at a table that was mostly fighting over the blinds and found myself down 10BB's in short order. I hovered at that range for an hour or so, before being whored for about ten bucks (20BB's) on a series of hands.

First, I had an OESD to the nut straight and a draw to a flush and hit neither, but did lose a chunk of change in the process. Then, I drew to the second-nut flush and paid the guy with the nut flush handsomely. Lastly, I had a set of Kings on a board that held straight and flush possibilities, and couldn't let go of it because the pot was too big. The winner made his flush on the river.

Lunch Break. Down around seventeen bucks (-34BB's)

Found a better table and slowly crawled back to the -20BB range. Then came the rush. I got pocket queens numerous times, pocket kings, AK a bunch. I made some good bluffs (good in that they were successful, I have no idea if they were smart or not), caught someone bluffing on a three-flush board. There were players who didn't notice I kept showing down premium hands and were happy to pay me off. At one point, I encouraged a fish to rebuy if she busted.

She did.

I proclaimed my love for the table. I should've collected their e-mail addresses so I can get them all together some other time. By the end of the session, I was up 11BB's. Whew! Exhausting!

Why, then, did I feel like complete crap as I lay down for a short nap? Look at the first sentence of this post. I called off work to win five bucks playing poker. That's just not right. I have responsibilities at work, and to my family to not put my job in jeopardy.

Was I tired and didn't feel like working anyway? Yes. But this is a common symptom of depression and I can't use poker as a way to avoid responsibility and to self-medicate. I'm trodding some dangerous ground here; I need to start making adult decisions and suppress the selfish child.

Busy Busy

2006-08-07T06:11:00.000-07:00

I'm slammed at work so I won't be writing much this week. The Mistress is in Reno with her sister. My family clearly doesn't think much of my parenting skills because my sister took the monkeys on Saturday and my parents took them on Sunday.

Suffice it to say, my weekend was full of Mexican whores and blow. Or whatever.

Big ups to Ryan at Absinthetics. Very cool to follow his progress to the cash in the WSOP Main Event. If I ever have the $$$ to play a blogger tournament again, I'm going to pray not to be at his table.

Finished up between 10-20 BB's for the weekend. Flopped quads. Made my straight on the turn, then my flush on the river.

So, the pattern seems to be this: On downswings, I'm going to complain like the world is ending. That's just how I roll. I'd like to say it won't happen again, but it probably will.

I'm not going to call this current downswing over yet, either. I'm very skeptical about what I can do on the felt at this point.

Beach again this weekend then hopefully AC on the 19th (kiss it, suckahs!) So posts will probably be sporadic.

Russo, out!

I am not good at Poker

2006-08-03T05:19:00.000-07:00

There, I've said it.

I'm not good. I am at the complete mercy of variance: I don't believe I mitigate the downswings or maximize the upswings in the least. Whatever burning runs I get are taken away a few weeks later. I am at a disadvantage anytime I sit down at a table without at least one or two people who are completely ignorant of the game. I hamper myself by playing when I'm tired, angry, distracted.

You may think this is whining. (BTW, why do I see bloggers spell whine as whinge? Is this a pokerblog inside joke?) That would be a fair conclusion, as I've lost 40 BB's over the past two days.

Yet, I don't agree. This is simple realism. I believe I can improve to become a better player- I work hard at doing the right thing when I play- however, this is not going to happen now or in the immediate future.

This is important to know and accept because, while I enjoy playing poker, folding for half an hour only to go too far with QJs and give away 10BB's is getting a tad boring and frustrating. I need to come to grips with the fact that I'm probably going to lose money over the next year and accept it as the price of getting better, or I need to drop poker altogether.

Why? Because if I'm going to play, I'm going to play every day, tired or not, sick or not, angry about work/wife/kids/fantasy football team or not. So I need to develop patience and a healthy level of acceptance of how my game is, or I need to pack it in.

This is an issue with all the other hobbies (read: obsessions) I've had in adulthood. I need to be the best at it or I get frustrated and stop. In other words, I don't do things for the intrinsic fun it provides, I do it to excell or 'beat' it. A counselor I used to see told me that this is a self-esteem issue: I'm valuing myself on how well I play golf, how many stories I can sell, or how many BB's/hr I win. I can't accept myself as someone who isn't good at a particular thing and I'm too scared to do the deep soul-searching that will help me dedicate more effort to improving at it or at least allow myself to be happy and enjoy it just because I'm doing it.

In other words, I have to learn to enjoy the game of poker itself more and not worry about winning so much NOW, while still trying to improve. That's so much easier said than done. I may not be wired to do that.

Quick Hits

2006-07-31T10:44:00.000-07:00

I'm trying not to be online so much at work, so I'm going to do some Aimless Stream of ConsciousnessTM for about five minutes or so:

My Vacation: Great time. Sun, beach, bikinis, surf, my beautiful kids, good food, my beautiful wife, fun, fun, fun.

On the way down, I saw a billboard for a online poker room that was supposedly for military personnel "G.I's" as they said (eventhough the only base in the area is Camp Lejeune- Marines) I told myself to write the name of the sight down, but I forgot, of course. I'll do a search later and see if I can find it.

The beach house we rent had a new huge flatscreen TV with HD satellite. SCHWWEEET!! Although, Phil Helmuth in HD is not very attractive.

Speaking of looks (this is where the Aimless part comes in kids, so stay with me) I got the Moneymaker Millions promo in my e-mailbox today and Jesus, can Moneymaker look anymore like a schlub? I'm not going to denigrate his playing abilities, but good God man, you're a millionaire, get to a gym or a plastic surgeon.

****************************

One dream I had recently was me putting together a $5 dollar buy-in NLHE tourney at a casino in downtown York, Pa. Eric Lindgren and Joe Hachem were playing. We were playing 7-card Stud, which already should have told me it was a nightmare, and I had quad aces. I'm dealing, and I accidently shuffle my hand back into the deck! Then, I realize there's about six or seven aces in the deck. I'm absolutely mortified and I apologize profusely. I mean, I'm sort of embarrassed that I've invited some big name players to such a rinky-dink game anyway and then this happens. Eric is very understanding and laughs it off.

I offer to get some more cards, so, instead of going to the floor guy, or at least driving home, I figure it's quicker to literally run to the other side of town and get another pack of my hole-punched casino cards from home. By the time I make it home, It's like three in the morning, so I just decide to not go back and leave Eric and Joe in the lurch with the other players. So I go to bed.

But, I feel bad about not returning and I can't sleep! So I decide to run BACK to the casino, but I have trouble making it to the poker room because there's all these shops in the way and they're going to shut the poker room down so they can set up the breakfast buffet. (This is South Central Pa, people. If there ever were to be a poker room in downtown York, it would shut down for the breakfast buffet. Trust me.)

Finally, I sit back down and Eric and Joe are gone, replaced by pros I don't know, but are greasy guys who you probably wouldn't associate with other than at the poker table. Players like Matusow or Farha. Boy, were they pissed! They'd taken my chips and replaced them with buttons, and I didn't know how much they were worth. Thankfully, I woke up enough to end that dream!

*********************

Okay, that's it for now, except that, after a week of no poker, I won over ten BB's last night. I did a fair bit of poker reading at the beach, and I have some things I'm trying to improve upon. Which goes without saying, and will still be the case fifty years from now!

Here we go again!

2006-07-20T05:00:00.000-07:00

DON'T PLAY WHEN YOU'RE TIRED

Dropped another 20BB's last night! BTW, that's my stop-gap limit. So, let's recap...three days, -60BB's (30 bucks.)

Will someone please remind me tonight to NOT PLAY IF I'M TIRED!

BTW, don't play when you're tired.

Played a limit MTT freeroll last night. I could get into these. I was doing pretty well until I started falling asleep and just packed it in. Even if I won a seat into the 1k guaranteed, I'll be at teh beach and unable to play anyway. However, in the future, if I can find a cheap MTT or SNG that actually has enough people willing to play, I will take a serious shot at it. Any suggestions? (I'm talking cheap, though. Dollah, two dollah at most.)

I'm tempted to not play poker tonight and tomorrow, thus making it about a week and a half long break, including next week. Then again, I'm always tempted to play.

Possibly (probably) my last post until after I get back from N.C., so good luck to the small, exclusive club known as my readers.

Back to the 21st Century

2006-07-19T06:24:00.000-07:00

I'm happy to report that, when I walked into my house last evening, I felt artificially cold air. After a few tense moments yesterday, during which it wasn't clear if our air conditioning was going to get fixed, we got a new compressor and we're back living in spoiled American comfort. The temperature in the house at 7pm was 80 degrees and falling.

Of course, by then, a line of thunderstorms had rolled through and broke the back of the heat wave. It was 72 degrees outside. Go figure.

Rode the limit roller coaster last night. I was up about $8, then down $8, then almost even, then I hit my losing limit of 20BB'S ($10.) I was way too tired and I shouldn't have played.

Beach in a few days!

Retreat!

2006-07-17T05:46:00.000-07:00

In the face of near triple digit temps and heat indexes, the Russo family decided to abandon the house today and go to Granny's, who has at least some air conditioning. The weekend was more bearable heat-wise than we thought it would be, but there were some rough spots.

Here are some things that just don't work well in the heat:

Cleaning. Got the house cleaned up for the home game on Saturday, but man did that suck. You could trace my work by following the drops of sweat everywhere.
Eating. In addition to the dehydration, heat kills the appetite. Anything other than a small meal makes you feel sick.
Showering. I was like George Costanza in the Seinfeld episode where his showers didn't "take." I showered in the AM on Saturday and felt like I'd been living in a jungle for a week by the afternoon.
Pooping. The highest ambient temperature for the comfortable relieving of one's bowels is 70 degrees Fahrenheit. Anything higher than 80 mandates the removal of all of one's clothing prior to deuce droppage.

Yes, I am a spoiled American. I'd chop down a forest right now if it meant getting my air-conditioning back today.

*****************************

Played the Hardware Bar on Friday night. Did a bit better than last time, but out during the second round. Here's a summary of my playable hands.

22: In the BB. Folded to a raise.

22: In the cutoff. Folded to a raise after missing the flop.

Pocket 10's: Raised to 3x's the BB pre-flop and won it right there.

Big slick: Hit a K on the flop, won after raising 5x's the BB. My opponent commented on how I must've had something because I've been so tight. Surprisingly, this table was tight all around, with rarely more than three people seeing the flop on average.

J,10s: UTG. I misplayed this hand. My standard 3x's the BB bet was called by the big blind. Hit a ten on the flop, the BB checked/called my half-pot raise. An undercard on the turn and the BB checked again. I had it in my head that he either had me out-kicked or had overcards. I checked behind him when I should've overbet the pot. The river is another under and the BB check calls me.

He shows me J-8o for his rivered straight. I didn't spend enough time reading the board and missed that there was the possibility that he had a an OESD, on the turn, which is what he had. I don't like his pre-flop call with such a crappy hand, but, if I'd paid more attention, I'd have protected my hand a little better. Hindsight.

Big Slick, suited: The same guy puts in a hefty bet of twenty-five hundred pre-flop. My stack is hurting and there's no doubt I'm at least going to call. I'd be left with only about 1500 in chips though, so I go all in. He shows me his aces and I show myself out.

All in all, I fell not to bad about how I played. Also, the hottie shot-waitress and I have an inside joke because I always say I'm going to buy a shot but never do. If I was fifteen years younger, thinner, in better shape, six inches taller, dressed better, could spit some game, was single, and could get her drunk, I might be able to get a date out of her.

Saturday was Poker Night III: No Excuses! We had five people show. I was out in second, even though I started out doing pretty well. I aggressed and was rewarded. I stole blinds like a crook. I pushed my edges.

Then, I got cocky and started playing some hands I usually discard. Like A-rag. Then, I found myself out of the money. I've yet to win any dough in my own game.

We had a new person play this week, one of my neighbors. He'd pestered my other neighbor about playing, even though he claimed not to know which hands beat which. Sort of gave himself away by coming in second.

I was suspicious about the guy before and my hunch was confirmed the first time he dealt. True newcomers NEVER know to burn a card before dealing out the board. This guy did though. Also, he would ask "is it to me?" instead of "is it my turn?"

No biggie though. I don't think he's THAT good, unless he wasn't giving it his all.

Won two bucks back in the cash NL game afterwards.

Two people didn't show, and one of them is being deleted from the game's e-letter. Got a few more possible people to add though. At some point, there's going to be twenty-thirty people at my house, and then what am I going to do?

Sunday was on-line poker day. First session, won about six bucks. Second session, the rubber band finally snapped back and I dropped about thirty BB's, mostly on my quad 8's losing to quad jacks, then donking with my jacks full losing to, yes, quad jacks again. Add to that some card deadness and complete missage of the flops and there you are.

It was bound to happen. I've been red-hot lately and I was bound to even the books. Variance, to me, is like geology. A streak either way builds up pressure, like at a faultline. Once the pressure reaches the breaking point, there's an earthquake, or series of earthquakes and the pressure is relieved. Hopefully, the hosing I took has relieved enough pressure and I can get back to normal. I hope I'm not due for the carnage of a few weeks ago.

(I know, variance isn't really like that. But it's a neat analogy anyway, right?)

Status Report

2006-07-14T09:55:00.000-07:00

AIR CONDITIONER: FUCKED!

ESTIMATED TIME FOR REPAIR: TUESDAY!

FORECAST FOR THE WEEKEND: NINETIES AND 'SULTRY!'

CL'S MOOD: PISSED!

CL'S WEEKEND POKER SCHEDULE:

FRIDAY: Hardware Bar: Ghetto-fabulous freerolling at it's best. Crystal all around!

SATURDAY: Poker Night III: No Excuses! Apparently, plenty of people FOUND excuses, as we'll be lucky to have five players.

SUNDAY: Extra-Bonus, Super Special Free-time Poker Time Extravaganza! Yeah, we'll see if THIS pans out.

That is all.

Funk

2006-07-13T06:50:00.000-07:00

Our air conditioner is, again, not working. We suffered through a hot, humid Monday night, had it repaired on Tuesday only to have it punk out on us again last night. A string of thunderstorms cooled things off a little, but I still woke up tired and bleary. Not to mention how happy I was to sweat through my shirt before I made it out of the house.

Tie in the heat with my lack of sleep, the Mistress' push to get her final paper in for her graduate class, a sick General, and a cranky Monkey and my depression's kicked in. I'm in a funk.

I'm sitting at work, writing this, instead of, well, working. I've been surfing blogs all week, knowing full well that our internet usage is free for the inspection by the big bosses. Not to mention that I've probably got a bull's-eye on my back stemming from an dust-up I had with some of the other supervisors in the agency.

I don't want to be here, I just want to play poker all day. I can feel the ship go down, but I'm not doing a damn thing about it.

This lethargy and self-destructive behavior is typical for people with depression. In case anyone's worried about a gambling addiction, it's more like a hobby addiction. Before poker, it was writing, before that golf, fishing, homebrewing beer, panning for gold.

Yeah, that's right, gold panning. Let's move on, shall we?

I'm got great expectations for the weekend and next week, though. We should have our blessed cold-air maker back and running by the end of today, I'm playing live poker on Friday AND Saturday, and I'm getting FREE TIME (mmm...savor that with me-free time) to put in a multi-hour limit session online on Sunday.

Next week, we've got nothing to do but plan for the beach. Yeah, the beach, bitches! Swim, play in the sand, read me some sci-fi and poker books, take naps, eat good. Can't wait.

**************************

Even though I'm down in the dumps, my limit poker game is strong. I've put together two +8BB sessions in the last two days, playing an average of about 1.5 hours each time. Yeah, hit and runs, but not intentionally. I'm making a point to stop when my attentions suffers.

Recently, Jordan posted another of his "How Would You Play this Hand?" installments. I was excited to see that it was about limit and I could actually speak about it somewhat literately. I've noticed alot of bloggers 'hate' limit and I think I might know why:

I think that many players with backgrounds in NL tend to bring good NL skills to the limit table and are frustrated. Judging from Jordan's post and comments, there seems to be too much emphasis on reads. Reads can only go so far. In NL, you can get more info from bets, due to the leeway in betting amounts. Three times the BB or a min-bet? Half the pot or all-in? You just don't get as much data from an opening limit bet on the flop.

Also, I think that there's a different way of thinking about pot odds and pot size when playing NL. While 3:1 odds in NL is good, it's not good for most drawing hands in Limit. Also, a small pot makes all but the strongest draws and marginal made hands not worth defending.

Of course, reading players is important. But, with limited information, I think it has to take secondary importance. In my inexperienced opinion, your first consideration has to has to be the math. Continuing with un-made hands without the proper pot odds won't be profitable in the long run, even with the best reads.

I'm not criticizing Jordan or anyone else. The post got my thoughts rolling and I wanted to put them on 'paper.'

*************************************

Here's why I've been doing well lately:

1. Patience. Fold, fold, fold, fold. And, for good measure, fold. I've made some corrections about which hands to play in mid and late positions.

2. Attention. I'm much more in tune to when I'm probably not ahead, what my outs are, what the size of the pot is, and how my opponents are betting. I'm also not multi-tabling anymore, and I think the difference in outcomes is pretty stark.

3. Discipline. I'm laying down more hands in small pots. I'm not calling as often when I'm getting raised while holding marginal hands. Usually, I'd call pretty much automatically. Now, I'm taking some time to think about whether a call is worth it.

Also, I'm getting up from the table when I'm tired, or if it's getting late and I'm heading downwards. In other words, I'm locking in more winning sessions.

4. Aggression. I'm doing better at protecting my marginal hands in large pots. I try not to give free cards anymore, and I'm more willing to bet when I think I can pick up a pot quickly.

Well, that killed about an hour. Sigh.

Have a good weekend.

No, I didn't go to Vegas...

2006-07-11T06:41:00.000-07:00

...This is what I have to deal with instead:

To those of you who insist on hanging those stupid, classless, plastic ballsacks from your trucks:

I’m putting you on notice. The next time my four-year-old points to your truck’s junk and asks “What’s that daddy?” I’m going to find you and make you explain it to her.

God damn, I don’t want to be associated with this crowd, but I find myself grudgingly agreeing with the 'Kompassionate,' Konservative Kristians who complain about the coarsening of our society. What’s next? Twelve inch dongers designed to throw sparks off the road?

You own a truck. You’re insecure about your own toughness and you possibly have gay fantasies. I understand. But do you need to overcompensate in such an offensive way? Can’t you just grow a mullet, go to a NASCAR race and leave it at that?

************************************
Finally played a limit tourney the other day…although it wasn’t a great experience. It was a Stars freeroll and it was completely bewildering. Any bet was capped and people were betting, raising, capping with silly hands. Q3, J2, 5-2. It was sick. I asked, rhetorically, what the best strategy was for limit tourneys, and someone answered “hope.” He had a big stack after winning with Q3o.

Even though it’s limit, you can go through a stack pretty freaking quick! I eventually just gave up and went to the wall with J10o and lost, of course. I find NL freerolls to be easier and more sane, on the whole.

I’d be interested in playing more limit tourneys or SNG’s, but the cheapo ones on Stars don’t ever seem to have enough players. The SNG’s on Party are too expensive, and that part of my roll is strictly for cash games at this point.

Still doing well in the cash games. Won about 5 BB’s in one session yesterday. Gave back 1.5 BB’s in a second session on because I decided I didn’t really want to play and couldn’t motivate myself to try and get even.

*********************************
My copy of Sklansky’s, Malmuth’s, and Miller’s Small Stakes Hold’Em is wearing out. Every time I open that book I learn something new. The trouble is incorporating it and using all the concepts at the same time.

I’m probably sounding greedy, but I’d like to make some bigger scores. I’m sure I’m not maximizing my winnings yet and I’m leaking bets here and there. Also, I only have, at most three hours a night to play. If I could have four or five hour sessions, I’m sure I could win between 5-10 BB’s, instead of my 1-5 average now.

Realistically, playing five hours a day isn’t going to happen. So, I should probably just shut up and enjoy my current upswing. Remembering my last losing run makes me shudder.

Leaks, I got 'em

2006-07-07T20:45:00.000-07:00

It's time to come clean. I have a serious addiction...to two pairs. And not the hidden kind, either. That would almost be understandable. I'm talking about those awful traps, the paired board type.

To paraphrase Pacino in 'Heat':

"I GOT A GREAT HAND!

I'm sorry, did I scare you? There's something about two pairs...it just brings something out of me."

Fer instance: I'm in a dollah tournament on Stars and I'm doing okay. Chipping up, being aggressive. I've got an above average stack and I'm looking towards finishing ITM. I'm dealt pocket five's under the gun and my 3xBB bet is called by two opponents. The flop is 3AA. I'm out of position, and I'm facing a bet and a call. Clearly, one or both have an ace. If not, the chances of them having a pocket pair better than fives is pretty good.

So, naturally, I go all in.

I end up reverse hoying myself, so I don't miss the ridicule from the table. Someone with PokerTracker tells me to go back to the ten cent tables.

As sad and funny as this tale is, I seriously need to get some self control when faced with this type of hand. I know what the common wisdom is: A bet and a call (or raise) generally means someone has trips.

Intellectually, I know this. It's my emotions I need to control.

If this is what the quality of the next hundred posts is going to be like...

2006-07-07T06:21:00.000-07:00

So, I find myself down a little over 10BB’s on Party last night.

Down 10 big bets? On Party!?

Yes, you heard that correctly.

Unimaginable! Inconceivable!

I know, right? Well, thank God, the laws of nature reasserted themselves and I find two kings staring at me from the pocket. Blank, jack, jack on the flop. I feel somewhat stupid capping the betting, but the turn, a beautiful red king makes me feel all warm and gooey inside. I give my aggressive, yet oblivious opponents their head and I end up dragging my biggest single online pot to date, a bit over fourteen bucks. I end up with my standard four or five BB winning session.

I had fucked up my shot at an SNG by that time, but I still wanted to play, so I sign up for a freeroll on Stars. Nine thousand players? Crap, this is going to take all night.

Yeah, right. We’d lost around six thousand players before the first break. Which I didn’t exactly make it to. I was card dead and saw only one showdown-the one that knocked me out. The most fun I had was refreshing the “info” page and seeing how many players were busting out every ten seconds or so.

What a frustrating experience. A freeroll maniac kept going all in, but I didn’t have a hand worthy to call. I had two marginal hands that were probably good decisions to fold, but would have earned me a big stack had I played them.

First, I’m looking at K8c. I think about this. This is the second time the yahoo’s gone all in, so I’m not entirely sure he’s maniacal. I fold. The flop comes all clubs. The guy wins with nines.

A few hands later, I’ve got wired fives on the button. Maniac goes all in and is called. Now, I REALLY want to take a chunk of this guy’s stack, but fives are just too vulnerable to me. He could play a lot of crappy hands and still be drawing live. Plus, the other guy’s called him and Lord knows what he’s got. I fold. The flop is 6-5-6. Sigh.

Finally, I’ve got the Tourist (A7)suited on the button. It’s folded to me and I raise it to try to steal. Both blinds call. The flop comes 3-3-7. The small blind goes all in. I’m thinking that it’s not too likely that he would’ve called me pre-flop with a three (Frankly, I didn’t consider he might have pocket sevens until right now.) I’m thinking my sevens up with top kicker is good, and the big stack’s trying to push me around.

But I forgot that this is a freeroll. I call and the guy shows me his Q3.

Offsuit.

Buh-by-ee!

Still, I’ll probably play in some more of these, just because they’re free and my ‘roll’s almost down to nubbins. They satisfy the itch with no risk. I have no doubt I can finish in the top 27 sometime and make it to the 1k guarantee tourney, so that makes it even more +EV for me.

*********************************

Here’s a crazy dream I had last night:

I wake up and it’s Sunday. I’m at a casino with some people I went to high school with. I have to leave for home (Mistress keeps me on a short leash, even in dreamland) but I’m urged to play a one table SNG. I do so reluctantly, having to cash in with a credit card, which makes me feel even more guilty.

We sit, and people keep sitting down, even after play starts. I have to keep looking for a chair, I constantly lose my chips, and, when I find them, there’s always a different amount, different denominations. The table’s changed and it is now the size of a small room. The playing surface is actually the floor, and we’re all sitting coliseum-style. To make a bet, you have to walk down to a small ledge, where your stack is, count out your bet and drop it onto the swank hotel carpet that's serving as felt.

People are dropping out as fast as the freeroll I played in, yet I haven’t played or even folded a hand. I keep having to find my seat and my chips, you see. On the way, I have to break up a scuffle between two players. Apparently, the one touched the other on the shoulder without washing his hands first.

I know, weird, right?

So, besides all this, there are two other things that complicate the matter. First, the chips are paper-thin, and sort of frayed around the edges, so they’re almost impossible to count. I don’t know what the denominations are. I ask the dealer, but she doesn’t know either. She said she was just hired today and doesn’t know much about poker. She can, however, zing the cards across the room with incredible accuracy.

Secondly, this is one of those dreams where everyone, even people who like you in real life, are mildly hostile to you. Makes for a fun time.

All I’m dealt is marginal hands like AQo and KJo. Every time I raise, five or six people come over the top.

The dream ends with me deciding whether or not to go all in with KJ. Then it morphs into a scenario where I have to drive someone I work with for a meeting, but I keep going to the guy’s school and forget to actually pick up the guy. It ends with me in the shower with my clothes on, and my dad yelling from outside the bathroom that I forgot to pick up the guy again.

So, that’s the dark carnival that’s inside the mind of CL Russo this week. I think it’s because everyone else gets to go to Vegas except me. Stupid lack of money. Oh well, I hope everyone has a great time and I’m looking forward to reading some funny trip reports.

100th Post!

2006-07-05T05:00:00.000-07:00

What could be more appropriate that my blog posts its 100th entry during this patriotic week? Who would've thought I'd have made it this far? And who really cares?

To celebrate this unprecedented, unmatched achievement, I'm going to grace you with some more Aimless Stream of ConsciousnessTM:

In the spirit of Independence Day, we did what all upstanding American parents should do: we introduced a child to video games. We got sucked into the whole VSmile hype. We thought it would be educational. It was educational all right! It taught the Big Monkey how to play video games!

Now it's all about VSmile. Can I play the TV game? Can I? How about now? Pretend I'm Dora (one of the games features the latina explora) jumping over the bridge. Can I play now?

****************************

On Monday I downloaded the Titan software and tried to register to take advantage of Pokersource.com's instant bankroll promotion. Didn't work. I contacted Titan's customer support and was told that, in fact, I already have a cash account with them, under the e-mail madhyp@gmail.com. Um, no I don't, I said. Oh, well you might have a virus, Titan said. Delete the software and download it again.

Well, I can't do that and take advantage of the instant bankroll. I've deleted the software and, quite frankly, it's just as well. Two poker sites is enough for me right now. The computer seems to run better without that software on it anyway.

My concern is, what about this madhyp guy? Titan never mentioned the account after I said I didn't have it, but I'm wondering if my info's been snatched by someone and they've set up an account in my name. Anyone know of any scams related to madhyp or Titan?

*********************

Remember that bumper sticker:

It's hard to be humble when I'm just that damn good

That's how I feel about my limit game right now. I'm killing .25/.50 limit at Party, for the short run at least. Six winning sessions out the past seven. I'm doing better at Stars as well, although the play at that level is tight and seems to be about the same skill level as where I'm at.

I can understand how players can get big egos. Just a week or two ago, I was dreading playing any limit 'cause I was getting crushed. Now, moving up in limits has shown immediate improvement. Those humiliating losing days seem like a bad memory, and I'm daydreaming again about how I'm going to get to 2/4 or 5/10 and bring in a steady side income.

Obviously, I can't jump levels everytime I'm in a rut and I have no intention on doing it again. My goal is to build up to $200 at Party and move up to .50/1. As for Stars, my 'roll is on life support. I can't play any blogger events for awhile. I'm just going to grind the limit tables and play a few small SNG's, which I still think are +EV for me.

**********************************

Here's an article from Slate.com written by the wife of a professional on-line poker player. It's an interesting look from a spouse's perspective.

I'm disappointed with Slate on this, however. When the article first ran, it was under an innocuous headline, which I don't remember. Now, they have it listed with the heading "My Husband Lost my Nestegg!" Which is true, but it gives a totally inaccurate impression of the article. Read and let me know if you agree with me.

Weekend Review

2006-07-03T05:46:00.000-07:00

How do you know it's been a good weekend?

When Friday seems like a month in the past.

I'm feeling really good today- better rested than I have in quite a while. We spent Saturday outside running a yard sale. I always thought that baby clothes were a hot seller at these things, but not for us, apparently. Everybody wanted boy clothes. When someone asked if we had boy clothes, I'd gesture to the mountains of clothes we had and say "Look at all these clothes, do you think there's a boy child in this house?"

My best customer was the grandma with "love" and "hate" tattooed on her hands. Classic. She was very much in love with her grandson, though, and bought him a bunch of the baby toys we had out.

The kiddies were worn out after being outside all morning and retired after lunch for a THREE HOUR nap! Woo-hoo! I joined them. Then, it was out to dinner and a great ride around the country and down to the Susquehanna River to check out the flooding. The river was still high, but back within its banks. We found a park by the water and played a bit, then watched some ducks near the shore.

On Sunday, we were outside again working in the yard. The Mistress and I put in a hopscotch court (pitch? field?) using pavers and crushed rock. It sounds odd, but it looks really neat. The monkeys play hopscotch as part of their gymnastic classes and they liked it.

After that, guess what? Another three hour Russo family siesta! Ah, sweet sleep. I felt so rested I cook dinner: turkey breast, wild rice, and creamed spinach. The Mistress wanted to keep the girls up late because she's off tomorrow and wanted them to sleep in, so they went to the basement and watched a movie after dinner. I snuck away and played a spot of poker. I capped off the weekend by actually getting to bed at a decent hour and getting eight hours of sleep, which is simply unheard of for me.

Me likey Party Poker! The 'beginner's tables' are a fish processing plant. What a service for players with a clue! I'm up about 30BB's in a week at the .25/.50 limit tables. I think I'll keep playing there.

Also, Jordan suggested I check out poker source's instant bankroll. I'm definitely going to give it a shot. Free money? I'm there.

Just a Little Better than Average!

2006-06-30T06:38:00.000-07:00

And who can expect anything more, right?

Played the DADI last night. I overcame some early silliness on my part and was holding my own just fine, thank you. I played my tight game and it was both a blessing and a curse. I got a lot of pots folded to me but, of course, I didn't always get the action I wanted on my premium hands.

I decimated Tripjax when my set of aces rolled over his TPTK. This got me up to around 2500k. Almost busted VPPDave for his bounty. To his credit he didn't take the bait and made a good lay-down against my flopped full boat. Still, that pot put me up to about 5k in chips and 5th place overall.

I stayed static and hadn't had much to work with, until I got pocket kings. A guy from Regina (sorry, didn't recognize the blog) raised pre-flop. At this point, given the fact that I had a slight chip disadvantage, I should have put him all-in before the flop. Instead, I get tricksy and make a min-raise, which is called.

The flop is nine high and raggy. He bets big and NOW I go all-in, thinking he's got either overcards or a big pair. (Hey, how about even considering a set?) Of course, he's got top set. Turn and river are no help and I go from in the mix to on the rail. Stupid poker. Stupid lack of focus!

Played limit for about half an hour, finished down about two bucks. I've realized a few things I need to work on:

1. The money at low limit games is not made by being aggressive with marginal hands. It's in letting these hands go when appropriate and being aggressive with monster hands, counting on the less skilled players to call me down. In other words, if I have a pair of jacks and there's a queen and king on the board, AND, I'm getting bet into, it's time to fold.

I used to know this, but I've been losing some discipline in this area. What tripped me up is Sklansky's suggestion to be aggressive with marginal hands in LARGE pots, in order to potentially buy some outs. That doesn't mean always, or even usually sticking with marginal hands.

2. Playing limit for less than an hour at a time is -EV. If I do this, I need to do hit and runs. If I get up, I need to leave and lock in the winning session. I think you need to be ready to play for at least two hours in order to have a good enough chance to win enough to cover the blinds you fold away, let alone lock in a winning session.

Well, that's my two cents. I hope my few loyal readers appreciate it. There's getting to be so few of you, I might start referring to you by name in my posts!

Have a great weekend!

High School Moment Over

2006-06-29T06:59:00.000-07:00

Okay, the DRAMA is over. CBS Sportsline screwed up the registration and put my friend's wife as owner of the team instead of him.

Really, I'm a bit ashamed. I let the over-reaction of the league commissioner get to me. I should've given my friend the benefit of the doubt from the start.

The vote was interesting. It was split down the middle to allow a woman to play. I'm glad I insisted on it because the commish was going to simply make a decision on it.

Personally, I could care less if a woman plays, especially someone I know already. As long as she stays interested throughout the year.

I might play the DADI tonight. We're getting ready for a yard sale this weekend and I might be too busy. If not, I'm there. My keys to winning:

1. Patience
2. Confidence- can't act like scared money.

I didn't try getting on a team 'cause I wasn't sure if I was going to play. If I do, I'm definitely going to try to win the smack-talk contest.

I can talk me some smack.

Aimless Stream of Consciousness

2006-06-28T10:20:00.000-07:00

Howdy folks, we're gonna take a canoe ride down CL's Aimless Stream of ConsciousnessTM:

It's bad enough you can't find a Ceaser salad with anchovies around here, but they forgot to even put the croutons on today! So, I've got romaine lettuce and dressing, with a bit of cheese on top. I should sue for misrepresentation.

********************************

Just in case you're keeping track...

You can add two more rights to the list that we no longer have. The President has been snooping in people's private financial records, tracking overseas wire transfers, ostensibly to find terrorists.

"But CL, you bleeding-heart, commie liberal," some might say, "If you haven't done anything wrong, you've got nothing to worry about!"

Well...part of the problem is who is defining what's 'wrong.' We're closer than ever to critics of the President in general and, specifically, the War on Terror being charged with treason. W might be checking out leading Democrats as we speak. We just don't know.

Secondly, just think dear reader, what other group of citizens make overseas wire transfers. Say, to Costa Rica and Gibraltar? Transfers to pay for an activity that could be illegal in a year or two?

Finally, there is NO oversight for these privacy invading programs. The financial records searches are audited by a private company, Booz Allen. Jesus Christ! When did an accounting firm take over for the Judicial branch of government? What leverage does the Vice-President of the Illegal Search and Seizure Department at Booz Allen have over the Federal Government?

The other right that's in jeopardy is our right to vote. The Voting Rights Act has not been renewed.

There's nothing else to say about that, it sort of stands on its own.

*****************************

I've made a deposit on Party Poker (Bonus Code Iggy). I'm going to play the .25-.50 limit tables. So far so good- up about two bucks. My handle is CLRusso, put me on your 'fish to track' list.

******************************

Why is it I can do so well at $2-4 live, but continually get crushed online at the .05-.10 tables? Probably has to do with how much easier it is to get on a table live as opposed to online. If you're going to go through the trouble of downloading, transferring money, etc., you're going to take it more seriously than when you're drunk and you've just dropped three hundy at the slots and wanna try that poker game.

Either way, I've played the last two days at the .02-.04 tables on Stars and I didn't win one hand. Not one hand.

********************************

I'm stuck in some drama in one of my fantasy football leagues. I could (and should) do an entire post on this, as there's a bunch of backstory, etc. Here's a brief synopsis.

I was asked to invite a friend to my newest league, which is made up of a neighbor and people I don't know too well. He accepted.

When the league website was set up, it was discovered that my friend's wife had signed up instead. I was informed by the league commissioner, who's also my neighbor, that our league is a "no chicks league."

Okay, whatever.

I asked that all the owners be polled to see what they think of the matter and the votes are coming in.

What makes this situation worse is that my friend left my other league, who are all my college friends, because his wife wasn't allowed to play there. That was not a 'chick' issue, it was because of some private stuff I won't get into.

So, now I have the great job of calling my friend and seeing what's up. To make matters worse, both my neighbor and my friend and his wife play in my homegame. So, if this ends up roughly, the home game will probably be shot.

I'm pissed at my friend. I don't know yet what the deal is but, knowing what I know of the previous situation, it seems like he's being tricksy. At the least, he should have let the league know he wasn't going to play. It's not his right to pick a replacement.

Really, I'm just pissed that both he and my neighbor have put me in this positiona. And I'm getting tired of this league. There's drama every year and it's getting tedious.

Atlantic City

2006-06-26T05:29:00.000-07:00

Finally, finally, you point your car east and accelerate towards your destination. You've jumped the hoops your loving wife has put out in an effort to keep you home and safe for another few minutes. You're on no sleep again, but a cup of coffee and your excitement are enough.

You make pretty good time, despite trying to break the record for number of bathroom breaks by an adult male. It's rainy and cool, which is good, since you don't want to feel guilty about staying inside all day at the beach.

Your first stop is the Showboat. The first thing you smell as you step of your car is spaghetti sauce and garlic.

Damn, you love New Jersey!

The casino is much better looking inside than out. It's a maze of mirrors, flashing lights, and marble. You need to ask directions to the poker room three times, but you finally make it there. The AM tournament's already started, but you don't care about that. You're going to break your cherry in 2/4 limit hell.

The floor man is rude, and acts busier than the half empty room would suggest. You ask to be put on the list and he waves at a table to his left and mutters something about the cashier. After getting a rack and a stack, you take a seat at the first 2/4 table you find.

You drop into your seat and the weight of fatigue and adrenaline drops onto your head. Dizzy and sweaty, you post your blind and try to get your feet under you.

First thing, you realize you've passed the Rounder's Maxim. You can spot the fish. He's drunk and playing every hand. You're dealt 7-8s on the button and buy into the pot. You flop an OESD and complete on the river. It's you and the fish left.

He bets.

You raise.

You know you've got him beat, and you know he's going to call. You're so tired you're not even excited yet. "You won't even look at me," the fish says. You look him in the eye. "You don't have anything." he says. "No," you say, "I'm just zoning out, I've been driving all morning," you reply. You smirk.

The fish does just what you know he will, and you drag your first pot.

You split twice with the person to your left, a retiree on a bus trip, then the cards go cold and lifeless in your hand. You wonder if that rank smell is from the deck's rotting corpse or the street person who took the open seat to your right.

You develop a fatal attraction to two pair hands. With a pair on the board, you're bet into on the river. You know your opponent has probably faded your queens up with trips. You ask to have the pot counted down, and it's only five big bets. On Stars, you'd fold this hand without even thinking about it. Instead, your tired mind whispers false promises to you and you make a crying call. Now you're stuck about ten bucks.

An hour of folding later, you're sitting with top two pair. You're jamming, and everyone's folding. Almost everyone- a cranky old man holds out for the river spade, completing his nut flush. He says he admires your courage.

Now you're steaming and tired. And hungry. The time says you've played for four hours (Really? Didn't you just sit down?) It's time to check into your hotel and you jump at the excuse. You're weaving as you leave the Showboat, the intoxicating drone of hundreds of slot machines adding to the wooziness in your head.

Call home, shower, space out in front of a baseball game on TV, sleep. You feel somewhat better, but you wonder if you'll be able to pull off the poker marathon you've planned as you sleep-drive to the Trop.

The Quarter is as good as people say it is. Ten years ago, pre-marriage you would be all about the bars, clubs, and hoochie walking around. Now, you just want to get something fast to eat. You hit a cool market that has a hot and cold food bar. You buy some caeser salad, chicken, and fruit and nearly faint at the $15 dollar price. The nourishment improves your vitality a notch or two and you start the hunt for the Trop's poker room.

The place is full, but when you ask to be put on the list for 2/4, the floor person says "No."

"Oooo-kay,"

"Get you're chips and go see Harvey." You do as you're told, but Harvey has already given your seat away.

You head back and succeed in getting on the list this time. Literally a minute later, you're called.

"CR!"

"Here!"

"Lock it up!"

As you squeeze in between the dealer and a cuban lady, that foggy, sweaty feeling comes back. You fold, fold, fold. The cuban 'accidentally' throws in too many chips in the pot when she's got second pair or worse and wants people to fold.

She's replaced by a young, pretty woman from Jersey. She donates like she hates money, pulling twenties and hundreds out of her purse every half hour. She's friendly and talks to you. She complains how everyone at the table is quiet (they are) and how much more fun Vegas is. She shares a bag of chips with you.

Later, she asks you to give her your pickle.

From the sandwich you ordered.

You win a few pots and are surprised to find that you've covered your 40 dollar loss from the Showboat. You take a smoke break. You realize you feel fine now and you're into the rythym of the game. Excitement and anticipation build.

You win more hands. You fold A LOT, and play those hands that your prophet, Sklansky, has ordained as worthy. You always have callers. An old man from across the table yells at you, complaining that you aren't playing enough. You tell him there's only so many opportunities to play 3-5 offsuit, and you're not here to throw money away. You say it with a smile, though, and make a joke out of it when you finally play a hand. You win that hand.

The night is a blur. You hit your nut flush twice. You call down someone with ace high on a two pair board. He flips over 8 high and congratulates you on a good hand. The pretty woman on your left is dragged away by her mother and replaced by another fish who, by the end of the night, is asking your advice on what poker books to read. He donates heavily. Another donator wins a pot with five high. You win a dispute with a dealer, who forgot to include you in the action, then demanded you pay the pot when you try to fold.

A drop dead gorgeous woman across the table re-raises you and looks you straight in the eye while you decide what to do. You cap it and she calls. The guy on your right ribs you about her staring you down. The flop is KJ9 rainbow. You bet, the woman folds. You show her your pocket queens.

You learn some things from your time at the Trop:

1. Chips really ARE as filthy as people say, and they do stick together.

2. Whatever short comings the system has when playing online poker, the ideas in Sklansky's and Malmuth's Small Stakes Hold'Em fits casino poker like a diver's wetsuit.

3. You now understand how people can play poker for one and two days straight.

Too soon, it's 2:30 in the morning. You're up a little over a hundred bucks and you have to drive home later on. With a pang of regret, you rack up, cash out, and stride out of the casino.

The slots are playing their siren's song, but you are leaving this enchanted world.

For now.

AC status...

2006-06-23T12:39:00.000-07:00

...on.

Whine Alert

2006-06-22T06:26:00.000-07:00

Did you watch that game last night? Those guys sucked! They just plain sucked. They were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!
-Homer Simpson

Okay, I've had a dark cloud hang over me for the past day or so. Please make allowances.

My limit skills suck. I feel like I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I dropped over six bucks yesterday and I had to make a tough call: My 'roll can't support my current limits. I'm moving back to .02-.04 limit hell. FUCK ME!

I did money in two SNG's yesterday, though. I either do well in one or the other, never both. It's probably an attention thing, but it's not all that, as I played just limit for part of last night and still sucked. Has anyone had the some trouble? Is playing a limit cash game and a NL tourney at the same time a bad idea?

All I know is that I'd better pack my bathing suit for AC, I might get stacked within an hour. Oh yeah, that's right, it's supposed to rain all weekend.

*******************

I'm assuming, of course, that I even get to go. My car crapped out on me yesterday. One minute, okay, the next, no electrical systems. My guess is a bad alternator, as the battery isn't that old. My repair guy is real busy too, so I'm expecting a call that he won't be able to get it done before Monday. This is going to be a hellish weekend for me if I can't go. There's going to be a cranky CL with a really sore uterus around the Russo house. FUCK ME!

**********************

So, I miss work yesterday, which could potentially screw up my vacation plans both this weekend and down the road, as it's iffy as to whether I'll have enough leave time to go on our family vacations. Not to mention the fact that I had to cancel a visit with someone I work with for the third time. That's professionalism for ya! FUCK ME!

***********************

What else did I miss yesterday? Oh, not much, just an e-mail from a supervisor in another office reaming me out. Best part? It was sent to about thirty other people in the agency, including two of our regional directors. Completely classless, and without the common decency to talk to me privately. I mean, Jesus, call my supervisor if you're that pissed, but don't do the equivalent of dragging me to the city square and publicly humiliating me.

At least I have the solace that she was completely wrong and I have the support of both my self-directed team and my supervisor. Yay, I feel so warm and protected. FUCK ME!

Monkey Capitulates; Drops Deuce

2006-06-20T19:37:00.000-07:00

BB's to go: 659.3 or $65.93.

The battle of wills is over, and everyone won.

The Big Monkey was a bit green about the gills when she came home yesterday. When the Mistress asked her if she had to go potty, she just nodded and walked to the bathroom. They didn't flush the results so that I could witness my eldest's milestone. To make things even more happier, she was even dry this morning.

It seems like we've converted her from savagery to civility, as she was more than happy to void her bowels twice this afternoon. (The 'potty presents' she got in return were good motivators, I'm sure.)

Okay, I'm just realizing how gross this subject must be to all (3) of you. I promise, no more updates, unless something particularly humorous happens.

***********************

I'm in a limit game, a bit bored, checking out where everyone is from. I notice there's someone from China playing, and I was hit with a revelation:

You can play online poker in repressive Communist China, but not in Washington State. Is there not something fucked up about this? The country, with the recent help of the Supreme Court and their frightening new interpretation of legal search and seizure, is moving towards a police state faster than I would have imagined.

Quite frankly, we're starting to look more and more like China. Gulags, domestic spying, expanded law enforcement powers, a sophisticated propaganda machine that protects the ruling elite and tries to destroy dissent...all we need to do is start rounding up the 'intellectual elite' and we might as well start memorizing Mao's Little Red Book.

Not to be overly dramatic, but the US has changed so much since 2000...I don't really want to think about how things will look five and ten years down the road if we continue in our present direction.

No Sleep 'Til AC

2006-06-19T05:50:00.001-07:00

BB's to go: 653 or $65.30

I'm on no sleep, bro.

The Russo family is in new territory: The Big Monkey is sleeping commando. That's right, without a diaper.

Perhaps some backstory is in order. My eldest, aka Big Monkey, is four and is completely potty trained. During the day. At night, she relishes in pooping in a diaper as an act of daring individualism, flying in the face of parental restrictions.

Until last Friday, when the Mistress and I decided to Take Back the Night. "No diapers anymore, girly."

"Kay."

"You can't poop in your bed, either."

"I knooow."

Yeah, right. We woke on Saturday morning expecting to find a fecal wonderland in our daughter's bed. Thankfully, we were pleasantly surprised. The same result on Sunday morning as well.

The only problem is this: She wasn't pooping during the day, either. Last night, her belly was sticking out ominously.

"Hon, why don't you try to poop?"

"I don't have to!"

Yeah, right. I was so worried about the fudge explosion that loomed over us that I couldn't sleep. I kept waking up, thinking I should go in and put the Monkey on the potty and dreading what I might find if I went in there.

Finally, the sun rose and the inevitable could no longer be avoided. I pulled back the Monkey's covers and...no mess! Ahh, relief. Only, how is she going to make it through another day without 'going?' Hopefully, she won't. Let daycare earn the money we pay 'em!

I can't imagine what it's going to be like if she holds out until tonight. I doubt I'll be getting much sleep.

********************

Our AOL is on the fritz. We ALMOST made it a year before having to replace the software. Damn AOL, why can't I quit you!?

The break from Poker is actually a good thing, I think. My limit game is static- I'm not making any head way towards my BB goal. I'm not sure exactly what's going on. I know I'm not stopping when I fall behind, or switching tables. I get down two bucks and try to dig out instead of just accepting the loss. Worse, I'm getting way up and not stopping to lock in a winning session. I was up about a buck and a half on Friday and told myself that I was going to stop with a profit, but kept playing until I was down. That six cent loss was harder to take than other times when I've lost 2-plus dollars.

***********************

AC this weekend! AC this weekend! Got a lot to do- gotta get the car in for service, got to print out directions and my hotel reservations. The Mistress scheduled a play date for the Big Monkey this weekend and we want to have the back yard looking nice. After it's all done, though, I will have the payoff! Sometimes working your ass off before a trip makes the trip all that much more fun.

I'm counting on making money at the limit tables, so I hope my game picks up by then!

Shhh...

2006-06-16T05:38:00.000-07:00

BB's to go: 624.9 or $62.49

I moneyed in another SNG last night. We'll just keep that between you and me, 'kay? No need bothering the poker gods about this, right? Not big enough news to tell the guy who controls the doom switch on Stars, got it?

We'll keep it on the down-low.

Mum's the word.

Let's not get too cocky here. Okay, I never had a stack higher than 7k, but made it to third place, but let's just let this fade like those dreams we can't remember once we wake up.

Nothing to see here, folks.

Keep the secret, my sweet.

****************

I'm sorry, did you say something? Anyway, I WON 51 CENTS AT THE LIMIT TABLES LAST NIGHT! WOOOO-HOOOO!!!!

*****************

Yoo-hoo! Eyes down here, bud. Just ignore all that stuff written in the squiggly letters.

There's a chance that I'm going to be the beneficiary of something very nice regarding my AC trip. If it comes through, I'll let you know.

Finally, SNG Success

2006-06-15T05:19:00.000-07:00

PokerStars Tournament #26469899, No Limit Hold'em
Buy-In: $1.00/$0.20
45 players
Total Prize Pool: $45.00
Tournament started - 2006/06/14 - 21:39:59 (ET)

Dear bluto392,
You finished the tournament in 2nd place.

A $10.00 award has been credited to your Real Money account.
Congratulations!

Thank you for participating.

Bear with me, I know that for a lot of people this isn't worth posting about, but you've got to put it into context. In the past six months that I've been playing for money, I've cashed in one SNG. I have a great run of finishing either 18th or 17th in the 45-seat structures. In fact, I'd decided that these were -EV and I haven't played them for a long time.

Here are the things that stand out that I did that helped me be successful last night:

1. Patience: I waited for the good cards. The blind levels were around 10-15 minutes, so I felt I had time to pick and choose, even at the final table.
- In the last tourney I played, I was too active at the bubble and I finished out of the money. Last night, I literally told myself to sit back and let the others who were willing to play beat each other up and I slid into the final table and, later, the money.
- I was able to stay somewhat calm when I made good hands. I hit a set of threes at one point. Usually, I'd go all-in right away. This time, I was able to coax my opponent to put all of his chips in with the second best hand.
2. Aggression: When I got good hands, I tried to make the most of them by raising.
- Also, I looked for opportunities to steal pots. There were many of these in this tournament: over 25 pots won without a showdown. My short-stack all-ins got an amazing amount of respect as well and kept my M above water at key moments.
- Yes, I know I'm not breaking any new ground here. Here's the new part: I willed myself to be more aggressive. I saw early on that I was playing really timidly, probably because I was preparing myself for the 'inevitable.' I caught myself and forced myself to put my chips out there, try to steal pots, etc.

Thanks to Surflexus, who gave me a pep-talk a few days ago. I probably wouldn't have bothered with playing an SNG if I hadn't spoken to him beforehand. I promised myself that I'd take a stab at one of those $4.40 180-seat SNG's on Poker Stars if I moneyed last night, so I'm putting that on the weekend agenda.

I really, REALLY, wanted to play in the Poker Stars blogger championship on Sunday, but I've got other Father's Day plans. It's ironic that the father doesn't get to make his own plans for Father's day, but I really have no grounds to complain. My family's great and I enjoy spending time with them. Anyway, I'm off to AC next week, so it's not like I'm exactly deprived of poker.

Happy Father's Day!

Poker Weekend Wrap-up

2006-06-12T05:15:00.000-07:00

BB's to go: 638.0 or $63.80

It's 85 degrees in my office for some reason, and I'm starting to sweat already, so I'm keeping this short.

I got a last minute dispensation to play at the Hardware Bar on Friday. I can sum up the hour I was there in a few paragraphs:

Registered, bought a soda, smoked a cigarette, and ogled the waitresses.

Met the other people at my table. I few regulars, some Type A punks and a senior citizen. The guy on my left looks like John Lovitz.

First hand: AA. Bet out 3x's the big blind. Two callers. Flop is QJ10. Checked to me and I 1500 and I'm called by both players. Turn: 9. Fuck. About the worst card I could have gotten. First guy bets all-in and I have to fold. He turns over 87 offsuit. I'm on Hardware Bar tilt.

Fold. Fold. Fold. Fold.

Finally see A8 of hearts. I bet the two-club flop and I'm called. Turn is a club. Checked around. River is another club and I laugh and shake my head. The moron on my right whispers "You're showing weakness." I reply "because my hand IS weak." I check-fold to the woman with the nut flush.

Fold. Fold. Fold. Fold.

AQo. I bet another 3x's the big blind and I'm called by multiple players. Flop is 2x2. I min-bet and I'm called. Turn is a 2. I think my ace-kicker is good and go all in. The same lady who beat me with a flush calls right away and shows me her pocket fours. Do I have to say that the river wasn't any help?

So, I go home and lose about five bucks playing tourney. Post a small win on the limit tables.

*********************

Saturday was our neighborhood picnic. Ugh. We know some of our neighbors, but have only really developed any sort of friendship with one other family. I'm not a social butterfly, and I had resigned myself to a night of sitting at a picnic table making small talk, interspersed with uncomfortable silences.

Until someone suggests a poker game. Ah! We play a six man, five-buck tournament that lasted a lot longer than I thought it would. The play was pretty horrible- at one point, there was a heated discussion about how playing any ace was a good idea. Another person asked if K-A-2-3-4 was considered a straight or not. Folding and raising was apparently considered bad form.

I got no cards to start and stayed out of the action. Turned it around when I went all-in with AJs and luckily rivered my straight. Made some pretty bad calls but generally didn't get punished for them. Finally, I was heads-up with a drunk guy in his twenties. I pushed with any hand with a queen or higher. Probably not the smartest play, but I was about pokered out and was ready for bed.

Go figure, I won! My first cash tourney win netted me fifteen bucks. Afterward, I made the smartest play: I gave the money to the Mistress for putting the kids to bed while I played.

I've Got Nothing to Post About

2006-06-09T05:28:00.000-07:00

BB's to go: 647.9 or $64.79

Really, not much to say. Dug a big hole for myself on the limit tables, but scratched back to a meager win. Went deep in a dollah tournament, ended up 15 out of about 1250.

Just some observations: I did something in limit that I haven't been able to do lately- I quit when I was ahead. A few days ago I was up over three bucks (about thirty BB's) and kept on playing, even when I was getting tired and distracted. I slowly descended back to even, but didn't stop and lock in a positive night. Ended down about two bucks. That's not going to happen anymore.

Had over 100k in chips for the first time in a tourney. My tight game was rolling, and I was making good decisions. I discovered I can't really read players except in one regard- I have a pretty good sense of when players will fold. Won over twenty hands without a showdown.

Did I say I made good decisions? Well, I made bad ones too, one of which was strategic. I was thirteenth in chips with 15 players left. The blinds were high, but not too painful. I should have coasted a bit and tried to make the final table. Instead, I saw my six figure stack and tried pushing my edges. Eventually, it was my undoing. Now I know.

I think I can take one of these tourneys down, if I can stay awake. I was dozing off between hands and during breaks. Literally sleeping, with those just-falling-asleep dreams/streams of altered consciousness. Runs of bad cards were brutal and I nearly timed out once or twice.

Maybe I'll take a stab at a two dollar tournament. I know, I know, dare to dream.

These Guys are Crazy Bastards!

2006-06-08T05:42:00.000-07:00

BB's to go: 655.1 or $65.51.

Editor's note: Now, look, I'm not one to insult people whose parents aren't married. I would never even think about calling into question the legitimacy of the births of people I don't know but...

These guys are crazy bastards!

Not only does Wicked Chops openly link-whore right on their site, but they have the audacity to write up some freaking funny stuff as well. I dug into these bastards' archives and I am highly impressed. Just a word of warning: if you're a poker player, don't do anything stupid and illegal within earshot of Wicked Chops.

And Fridays, mmm, Fridays. Let's just say that part of me salutes whomever chooses the eye-candy each week.

So, to paraphrase the movie Patton:

"You magnificent bastards! I linked your site!"

Home Game II Highlights

2006-06-05T05:24:00.000-07:00

BB's to go: 627.8 or $62.78

Home Game II went down at the Russo Casino and Resorts on Saturday. Only five participants this time, which was pretty disappointing. I was hoping to build on the strong showing from Home Game I, but it seemed like everybody's already busy with summer stuff.

Anyway, it was a good tourney even if it was shorthanded. On my left was a very passive player who hardly ever folded or raised, just called down with anything. The next person on my left was super-aggressive and it was a lock that he would bet if it was checked to him. Interestingly, the two are husband and wife and their poker play definitely follows their roles in their marriage. The lady (passive) finished in the money, while the aggressive guy went out first. Go figure.

I had a tough time against them, particularly the ultra-passive player. She had me flummoxed on how to proceed, especially since she had beginner's luck rolling hard for her. She'd be on a short stack and I'm thinking how I can't put her all in on a bluff because she'd definitely call. Yet, when I did have a hand, she'd have me beat.

Eventually, I was down to an M of about 10 on the button with AQo. I absolutely didn't want to go out first again, but I thought I could get the passive person to call with a worse hand, so I pushed. Heavens to Mergatroid, she actually folded! I told her that she must have been dealt a joker and the calendar card. The aggressive guy thought for about a second and called. The guy on my right, who'd been playing pretty tight, re-raised and put me all in (I had the aggressive guy covered).

The cards were flipped and, ugh, aggressive guy has pocket kings. My other opponent's got fours.

The flop: No help.

The turn: No help.

The river: Ace of spades! Woo Hoo!

Suddenly I'm the big stack and I'm thinking that this will be money time. Except that the passive luckbox doubles up through me and another player. Then she doubles up again by hitting her ace on the river. (She'd been dealt A2o and had called an all-in bet after the flop)

Now we come to the first controversial ruling of the Russo Home Game Series. I'm on the bubble and I've got a death grip on my last few cards. I fold the small blind and then deal the next hand. I've now got less than the big blind. A player says "You can't post a big blind bet, you're eliminated." I say "No, you're crazy. I can bet this. If I'm heads up with someone, they can pull some chips out of the pot." Another player agrees with the first guy. We agree to lower the limits for that hand. I went all-in and lost. I should have asked what would happen if I'd folded.

At any rate, I know I'm right about this. I've posted less than a full blind in tourneys before. I mean, what is supposed to happen with my chips then, if I can't play with them?

I think there was some confusion with between a tourney and a cash game. I can see how you wouldn't be able to play in a cash game with less than a big blind, because you can buy back in. In a tourney, you may not have that opportunity.

I've been asked to research this and let the other players know what I find out. What I need to know is: Does anyone have a resource that I can use to find an answer to this burning issue? Even if you don't know of anything specific, feel free to leave me a comment with your opinion.

After the tournament, three of us played some .05-.10 limit and I ended up down about a dollar and a half. I was pretty tired by then anyway, after running around all day, and it was more about talking and donking than serious play. I was so dull mentally that I cashed everyone in incorrectly, giving them way too few chips! I didn't even realize it until the next morning. The night was very much fun, though, and it scratches the live-play itch much better than the Hardware Bar.

******************************

Found two great tables on PokerStars and ended up about four and a half bucks last night. Boo-ya! A few more good nights and I'll be back out of the hole. I also ran off a couple of colluders as well. I wanted to post their screen names, but I've forgotten. I'm gonna hunt them out tonight and write them down this time and post them this week.

*******************************

Jordan is musing about setting up an East Coast blogger event in AC. Definitely interested, but probably can't make any commitments until September.

Heat Renders Fat Man Immobile

2006-06-01T05:30:00.000-07:00

BB's to go: 667.7 or $66.77

It's true, the heat ground me down until I couldn't do more than lay on the couch under our ceiling fan. The air conditioner was broken and it was 82 degrees in our bedroom on Monday night.

I took the day off on Tuesday because I hadn't slept in two days and I wanted to get the AC fixed pronto. I waited until noon for the contractor the home warranty company uses to call me back. I was told by a cheerily voiced young woman (who was probably enjoying her office's air conditioning) that no one could come out until Wednesday evening. No amount of pleading and begging was able to change her opinion.

By the time the Mistress returned from work with the Squirtlins, my uterus was swollen and achey. I jumped at my wife's suggestion to go to a hotel for the night.

Ah! Sweet hotel air conditioning. Takes a long time to warm up, but cools down the room to near freezing levels once it gets going. So, after a nice night's sleep, a complimentary breakfast, and a days work, I return to our baking house on Wednesday afternoon.

The HVAC guy is supposed to be there by 5:30. At 5:45 I imagine that he's probably running late with an earlier job. At 6pm, I think the same thing, but give him a call anyway. The guy answers and tells me that he's running late.

Fine, no problem.

Not satisfied, the guy tells me how they don't usually schedule appointments after 4:30 and that he's doing me a favor.

Excuse me? If I understand capitalism, I'm doing him the favor by giving him my business. Plus, I wanted him here on Tuesday, not late on Wednesday. Had the situation been different, I'd have told him these things and risked him cancelling altogether. But my vagina was really ouchy by then and only artificially cooled air would make it feel better.

Finally, the guy arrived and fixed our AC. This morning, our bedroom was a cool, comfortable seventy degrees. Ah, technology!

One side effect of this 'crisis' is that our house was too hot to use the computer. Not only couldn't I compute, but I couldn't play poker either! So it was a relief to log on last night and get a small win under my belt.

I used the non-poker time to do some poker reading. I've learned a bit on how to play overcards, and discovered that I'm not only not using the correct starting hands, but I'm losing money by not raising nearly as much as I should.

*********************************

The home game is this weekend. Only five people playing, but we may be having it at a house party, so hopefully we'll get some drunkies in the tournament or the cash game. I'm not sure everyone will want to have the game there, which will leave me in a quandry. I should've simply made the decision. I'm too much of a consensus builder sometimes.

Some Questions for your Consideration

2006-05-26T05:16:00.000-07:00

BB's to go: 674.7 or $67.47

Here's some poker related questions that I was mulling last night. Any insight or advice you can give is appreciated:

1. I know that QQ is a good starting hand, A9sooted is a speculative hand, and 38 offsuit is poo-poo. What I want to know is, what is my pot equity (if that's the right term) when I've got K6 sooted on the button? In other words, how do I figure out what my pre-flop hand is worth so I can determine if I've got the right odds to enter the pot? Is there a formula or a chart I can use, or at least a few basic odds I can memorize?

2. Related to this, is how do I determine how much pot equity my bottom two pairs (for example) have? I always hear people talk about it, but I can't find a way to determine this. The only axiom I know is that a pair v. two overcards is about 52% to 48% ahead.

3. Last night I was two-tabling micro-limit cash games. On one table, I'm up, but on another I'm stuck, and I'm not sure if I can dig myself out on that table. When do I decide it's better to leave the table and "lock" in the loss as opposed to trying to play myself back to even?

4. Finally, I'm looking for recommendations on where to play in AC. I've heard the Tropicana is a good place to play on the boardwalk, and that the Borgata is the other highly recommended spot. Has anyone played the showboat, Wild West, Caeser's Palace, or anywhere else? I'm not looking to sit down at a table of pros fighting over the blinds while they wait for sacrificial lambs, if you know what I mean. Also, my 'roll requires low limit tables.

And now for some Aimless Stream of ConsciousnessTM:

I know why people in the Middle Ages thought young children were susceptible to demon possession. The Big Monkey has been a wild animal in the mornings. Screaming bloody murder over brushing her teeth every morning for the past week. Time outs and taking away of toys, TV, etc. hasn't had any affect at all. It's really put me in a poor mood, as you can probably tell from my last few posts.

*************************************

Someone's replaced our baby, the Little General, with a young girl. I don't know when it happened, but I'm mourning the loss of babyhood in the Russo home.

**************************************

In relation to question #3, I was stuck about two bucks in a 10-20 cent game when I decided to switch to two 5-10 cent games. Ended up about fifty cents for the evening. Flopped the nut flush twice and the nut full house, so the only skill required was slowplaying effectively.

I can't get any traction at the 10-20 cent tables. I felt pretty comfortable last night, but it just wasn't happening. I'm not sure if it's the difference in confidence at the two levels or if the average skill set is noticeably better at the higher level. All I know is, I hope Poker Stars begins to spread more of the lowest limit games again soon, at least until I can build up a suitable 'roll to move up.

I really feel like I'm finally beginning to internalize some of what Sklansky et al teach regarding protecting hands. It basically boils down to informed aggression, and I can see it pay off at the 5-10 cent tables.

*************************************

The Mistress has been grumbling about my trip to AC. The rights of husbands everywhere are under assault!

Pray for me.

*************************************

I think I'm getting weary of people who say impolite things, then complain when they get negative feedback, claiming that people just don't "get" them. I think people "get" them just fine. If you spew negativity, you're going to get it in return. Complaining about it makes it seem like you edit can dish it out but edit can't take it. That impression is reinforced when you don't allow comments to your blog or remove negative responses, yet constantly say how you're flamed.

Also, equating honesty with name calling is simply not correct. Being rude doesn't earn anyone a badge of "most honest," it just makes them rude.

Before anyone calls me a hypocrite for my flaming of the Champ, let me say what I did was just that-blatant flaming. I intended to be rude and was. Besides, he wasn't even real, just a group of people trying to stir others up, so I don't feel too bad about it.

Happy Memorial Day everyone!

Cursed by Family

2006-05-24T20:40:00.000-07:00

I've said before that I love my job, and I do, but there are days that make me feel miserable, like I need a shower and a month long vacation.

Today was Mike's annual planning meeting, during which those people involved in his life get together to determine how we can best serve him over the next twelve months. Mike was born with Downs Syndrome and functions in the profoundly retarded range. He can't talk or process much information, and scoliosis has made it impossible for him to walk.

As if he hadn't already been kicked enough in life, he'd been institutionalized since birth. Let me be clear, the doctor attending Mike's delivery, with that great moral certitude that could only come from the 1950's, had decided that it would be too difficult for Mike's mother to behold his flawed body and had him removed to another part of the hospital, where he stayed until he could be moved to one of Maryland's institutions for people with developmental disabilities.

I've been to that institution numerous times for work: Most of it is abandoned, boarded-up buildings that look like they're waiting for the filming of Saw 3 to start. It's a notorious destination for ghost hunters. I get a lump in my throat when I think of Mike in one of those buildings, lying in a crib, yearning on some physiological level for comforting, not from a variety of nurses caring for who knows how many other children, but from two constant people who can and want to devote their time to him because they care, not because they get a paycheck for doing it. Probably because I'm a father and I couldn't imagine doing such a thing to my kids, no matter how disabled they might be.

"It was for the best, really. We were going overseas and we couldn't have cared for him."

That would be Mike's mother. She attends Mike's meetings more or less on a regular basis. She never talks to Mike, although everyone else on his treatment team does. She sometimes will drop off some presents for Mike and his housemates at Christmas, but she doesn't visit with him. Ever. I've tried to reach out to her and encourage her to visit more, take more of an interest, but she has artfully dodged every offer. It took me a year to get her to send Mike some pictures of his family. Mike's birthday is next week, and there's no question about whether his family will stop by or even send a card.

I found out today that Mike's father passed away last December. I have a sneaking suspicion his group home staff is going to tell me that they weren't told. I'm sure it's for the best that Mike not attend hid dad's funeral. How embarrassing for the rest of the family!

I dread having to make polite small talk with this woman every year, when what I want to do is grab her old lady shoulders and shake until her dentures rattle. This year, I had to listen to her talk about her other kids, who couldn't give a rat's ass about their brother either. (One of Mike's sisters came to his meeting a few years ago, and her fake sincerity made me sick. )

"I had two girls, then I had Mike...he was a big disappointment."

I let that statement hang there, rolled it on my tongue like a mouthful of wormwood. I weighed how important my job was and how much I wish I'd hit the Power Ball last week so I could say something like:

"How unfortunate...for you."

Or:

"I'm sure Mike's oh so happy with you, you ghastly fuck."

Or some other flippant rejoinder. Instead I looked down at my papers and wondered how there could possibly be a God.

"The doctor told me to wait six months and get pregnant again as soon as possible." Presumably to get this whole inconvenient event behind her. "A year later, I had another girl, my gift from God."

Kill me. There can't possibly be justice when I, who see Mike maybe three times a year, care for him more than the woman who bore him.

And then this evil person, this soulless bitch, looks at me and asks: "Chris, do you ever get discouraged?"

"No," the responsible part of me says out loud. "In fact, I've had several success stories just this year."

But the lottery winner in my head continues to speak truth: "Only when I talk to you."

Enough Whining

2006-05-24T05:33:00.000-07:00

BB's to go: 673.5 or $67.35.

Okay, enough bitching. This is my first serious run in with variance or consistently poor play, or whatever. Crying about it just perpetuates the tiltiness.

The 5-10 cent tables made a brief appearance again on Poker Stars. "Sitting" down at one of these tables drove the fact home that I was definitely scared money at the 10-20 cent tables. I was comfortable being aggressive and I played much better. There does seem to be a marked difference in skill level between the two limits, however.

Add bonus: Moneyed in another dollah tournament. Forty-three cents and a confidence boost.

I'm reading the section on river play in Small Stakes Hold'em and I'm finding it pretty abstract and hard to master. I don't have high expectations though. I'm not on any type of time table and I'm happy to try to absorb it passively for now. I'm still trying to become proficient with the strategies for the earlier streets.

So, these are the latest developments in the Atlantic City trip debacle. My parents said they could take the Squirtlins (I know that'll make Felicia think I'm 'retarded'- guess I'll just have to find some way to live without her approval) so I made reservations for June 24th. Then they call me and say they can't do it. Great.

The Mistress came to my rescue and is graciously allowing me to go by myself. Actually, I think she's feeling a bit guilty because she's going to visit her sister in Reno in July, and I'll be at the mercy of my kids for a week.

But, in addition to scuttling a much-needed weekend to ourselves, my parents backing out has shot down a second AC excursion I was going to make in August. We're heading back to Wildwood with my in-laws and I was going to get a furlough to spend a day losing money as a reward for my stint as a single parent. Now that I'm going alone, though, I've been informed that second trip has been cancelled.

Confused? Me too. I'm sure the plans will change again down the road.

No poker tonight! 'Lost' season finale!

Pissed

2006-05-23T09:44:00.000-07:00

Getting screamed at by the Big Monkey all morning and dropping another big chunk of my bankroll last night has me pissed and frustrated, so I'll just bullet-point this post:

Wildwood: Cool. Memorable trip with my family.
Poker Skill: Terminal. I'm bleeding money. It's 2 o'clock in the afternoon, I'm at work, and I'm already on tilt. I shouldn't play tonight. I will play tonight. I realize this is the time that determines what type of poker player I'll ever get to be.
Atlantic City: Up in the air. June trip-maybe. Second trip possible in August.

Serenity now, Serenity now.

2006-05-19T05:19:00.000-07:00

BB's to go: 622.0 or $62.20

Something weird happened to me last night. I started playing poker, and I kept getting the cards with the pictures on them, or the one card.

Then, when the three cards appeared in the middle, the pictures would match the pictures on my cards. Or they would all be the same color.

So I kept hitting that button that says "bet" on it. Then when no more cards appeared, the money slid over to me all by itself!

Amazing.

Somebody...Stop...Me

2006-05-18T05:40:00.000-07:00

BB's to go: 655 or $65.50

Hiatus lasted all of twenty-four hours. Went zero for five in showdowns.

Felted in an hour.

WTF?

Mistress Imposed Hiatus

2006-05-17T06:05:00.000-07:00

BB's to go: 615 or $61.50

Okay, poker's going to be slim to non-existant for the next few weeks. The Mistress is starting her graduate work and needs the computing machine for an online class.

Probably for the best. I'm not scared money at .10-.20 limit, but I'm not ready for that level, especially during my current slump.

Played a bit and only lost about fifteen BB's. Was outclassed and juked out of my shorts several times. I guy on my right kept check-raising me and I kept falling for it. You'd think, after the second or third time, I'd make the connection and simply check after him, but it didn't even hit me until after the session was over.

At any rate, I've played every night for the past two or three months and I probably need to stop and get some perspective. Do some book learnin' and lay low until Variance decides to pick on someone else.

After writing this, I'm realizing that I'll probably be back playing poker in a few days. Who am I kidding? The Mistress is genetically unable to stay up past 9pm and I'm a night owl, so I'm sure all this talk of hiatus is a bit overblown. I'm hoping I can take at least a few days break though, it would be good for me.

*****************

Speaking of breaks, we're heading to Wildwood, New Jersey this weekend. The Little General just learned to say 'beach' last night and she was repeating it and cackling all through dinner. I can't imagine she remembers last summer's trip, but she's definitely psyched about going!

The hotel we're staying at is running a Pirate Weekend promotion which includes, among other things, free pirate hats and swords. Yay, a two and four year old with swords! What fun!

Wildwood, for all those unfamiliar with the place, is a dark carnival, a freak show, but only in the best ways. Think Sopranos meets the Beverly Hill Billies. It's probably too early for the suede bikinis, but there will be plenty of gold chains, blow-dried hair, and leopard-print clothing to go around. Especially since it's the Sons of Italy Weekend.

I'm not joking.

*******************

Atlantic City this summer is coming more and more into focus. We actually have a credit from a bus line for another trip we had to cancel, so going there will be "free." I've also fell into some money recently, which will take care of most of my live 'roll. All we need to do is agree on a weekend and trick some grandparents into watching the Squirtlins' and we'll be set.

In the last post, I said the Mistress had teased me about going to AC by myself. It was more of one of those tricksy woman-tricks that I keep falling for:

Mistress: "So I was thinking of sending you to AC on your own for Father's Day."

CL: "Cool! That's a great gift!"

Mistress: "Oh..."

CL: "What?"

Mistress: "You don't have to seem so...happy about it."

CL: "It's just that I'm excited about going. Maybe I'll ask Mark to go, you know he offered to split a room with me."

Mistress: "What? Who said anything about Mark going?"

CL: "Well, I just thought..."

Mistress: "You don't even want to go with me!"

CL: "Now hold on, you were the one who said I should go alone."

Mistress: "But we never spend any time together."

CL: "Again, I have to remind you that you were the one who offered to send me there alone."

Mistress: "Well, maybe you should just go and stay there then."

The Mistress goes into the tank for awhile and I know two things: My AC trip is in jeopardy and I know nothing about women. Clearly, I should have declined to go alone at first. Secondly, I shouldn't have brought up going with a friend until the last minute.

CL: "Honey, I think you should come with me."

Mistress: "I wouldn't want to take away from your fun." There were some other comments about Mark (who is both of our friend) and how the trip might be more of a romantic one for us, and how she didn't want to come between us. I won't repeat them, but the terms "butt buddies" and "turd burglars" was bandied about.

CL: "No, I'm insisting that you come with me."

Mistress: "Well, okay, if you insist."

Gave it all Back

2006-05-16T05:59:00.000-07:00

BB's to go: 595.6 or $59.60.

Yes, undid a month or so of work in three hours. Seven dollars pissed away. How? Well, playing at a higher level when I'm on a losing jag.

Not by choice. Stars has closed all the five - ten cent tables and lower for their 5 billionth hand celebration. So I'm going to have to stay away from limits for the next couple of days. I can't sustain another loss like that or I'll be back at the two and four cent tables.

"Moneyed" in another dollah MTT. That dollar I won is going to open all sorts of doors for me, I'm sure.

Some good news though: I'm hearing rumblings that I'll be going to AC as a Father's Day gift. The Mistress will be accompanying, after teasing me by saying she was going to send me all by myself. I love spending time with my wife, we really don't get any time to ourselves, but the point is that I probably won't be with her all that much. I'll be at the poker tables as much as possible, which is anathema to her. I've told her repeatedly what my plan is, and she's not that happy about it. God I hope this doesn't turn into a disaster.

(Edit: The grammar sucked on this post, so I cleaned some of it up. I usually just write on the fly anyway, with little or no proofreading, but this was beyond the pale.)

Even-Up Weekend

2006-05-15T05:59:00.000-07:00

Forgot to bring my BB count to work...it's quite a bit higher though...I'll get to that in a minute.

Bad poker weekend.

"Played" at the Hardware Bar this weekend. Couldn't get anything going, as there were several aggressive players doing there thing at my table and I was getting zero cards. There's no upside to bluffing, as no pot goes uncontested. One handed ended with four to a flush on the board. The winner shows his flush, the loser flips over his pair of queens. "I had outs!" he said.

This was the make-up of my table: three Type A players, two Type D (dumb) players, who literally had borderline intelligence, two average guys (including me) and a guy dressed like a biker whose nickname was "Toe."

The last player was tall, tattoed blonde chick. You know the type: hot, knows she's hot, her schtick is that she's a crazy party girl, woo hoo. A dick tease, in simpler terms. She was loud and obnoxious, and you could tell everyone else at the table (all guys) thought she was a joke and just wanted her to shut up. She was sitting next to me and rubbed her boobies all over me, though. At one point, she folded, then leaned in and breathed in my ear: "I had deuces, what did you have?"

Please.

Soon, we learn that her boyfriend is seated at the table. Blonde starts making comments about her sexual prowess. "You guys are so quiet! I'm always loud-especially in bed."

I turned to her. "Do you snore?"

*******************

After my weak showing, I headed home and played some tilt-a-poker. Got crushed at the limit tables to the tune of over three dollars (30BB's.) Busted in about fifteen minutes in a dollah tournament, then bubbled in another one. Whatever connection I had to the "rythym" of tournaments has disappeared again. Just another donkey fumbling in the dark.

The carnage continued on Saturday. You know you're having a bad day when you're happy to win back half of what you lost. Ended down another 15-20 BB's.

Sunday, more of the same. Played an SNG, which I said I'd never do again, finished way out of the money. Lost another dollar or two in cash games.

The tournament play doesn't bother me, I'm back to my normal results.

I'm not used to these results at limit though. Not that I shouldn't expect it, I've been playing for less than a year and I've had a good run so far. I'm not sure what the cause was for my losses. It didn't seem like I was hitting a lot of flops. I had my set cracked by a larger set, I was killed by the river several times.

I feel like I'm getting sloppy. I misread some boards and was surprised to find myself up against larger hands. One of my strengths, I thought, was reading boards and having a pretty good idea where my hand stood.

Oh well. Can't win them all. I've been on a good run and you've got even up the books sometime. Today's a new day. (Insert your own cliches here.)

In the Black

2006-05-12T06:39:00.000-07:00

BB's to go: 464.3 or $46.43

Reached a milestone this week- for the first time, my total 'roll is over $100, which was my initial deposit on Stars. I split my money into two categories for tourneys and cash games. The big leak is from tourneys. Had I never played them and stuck to ring games, I'd be up forty-three odd bucks.

I'll reach that promised land of OPM (other people's money) once I pass $123, which takes into account the wire transfer and ATM fees. A few weeks, if my pace at the limit tables continues.

Bubbled out of a Stars dollah tourney. Very frustrating, as I'd built up a respectable stack and was really anticipating going deep. Again, flopped two pairs and ran head long into a flopped straight. Two hours of work undone in an instant!

I'm avoiding SNG's and anything with "Turbo" in the title. The structure of the Stars MTT's complements my greatest assets- playing tight and being patient. I'm getting a feel for these games- I wonder how I'd do if i put a little effort into studying strategy?

Speaking of leaks- and I was, trust me-I think I found another one in my limit game. It's a Leak of Comission, i.e., an action I'm taking that is incorrect, as opposed to a Leak of Omission, a failure to act in a correct way.

Specifically, I haven't been paying attention to how aggressive tables have been pre-flop. As a result, I'm often playing speculative hands for two bets that are not worth more than one. For example, I'll play 97 sooted on the button, eventhough the BB makes it a habit of raising in that position. Sklansky suggests this play is correct for one bet, but won't hit often enough to play for two.

In addition, I would play such a hand in late position regardless of how many players were already in the pot. Instead, I need to be conscious of what pre-flop equity my hand is getting. Speculative hands that are not pocket pairs are more competitive in multi-way pots.

So, instead of simply calling/raising because the chart in Small Stakes Hold'em says so, I'm going to have to actually start THINKING.

Damn, this is starting to sound like work.

Possible Promotion?

2006-05-11T17:00:00.000-07:00

BB's to go: 473.7 or $47.37

I'm a social worker for a non-profit organization in Baltimore. I advocate for people with developmental disabilities (mental retardation, cerebral palsy, etc.) In general, I help them get services, get them involved in their communities, and make friends. Essentially, whatever is important to them is what I help them with.

This is a great job. I used to work for Children and Youth Services in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania. Everyone hated me- parents, kids, police, even the county judge. It was demoralizing to keep pulling people out of the shit they were wallowing in (figuratively) only to have them fight me tooth and nail to get back there.

When you need to have numerous arguments with Mom about how she shouldn't still be dating the man that raped her daughter and impregnated her, you know you're fighting a losing battle.

Now, there is very little strife and contention in my present job. Basically, I'm given my marching orders by the people I serve, and they're happy with me when I help them achieve things.

And I am making differences in people's lives. I've helped people get off the streets and into stable housing, I've set up people coming out of school with job services. I've worked with many of the same people for five years and I've developed some pretty deep relationships.

So, it was with some trepidation that I made a move to give up a lot of that and apply for a supervisory position in my agency. Surely, it's more pay and more work of a different nature, but I will have to transfer most of the people I serve to other co-workers.

On the other hand, I'm ready. Intellectually, I'm bored with what I'm doing. Frankly, it's just not that hard to do. I want to do other things, learn new skills. Also, opportunities for advancement are few and far between in my agency, and I feel the need to take my chances now or risk being where I'm at for at least a few more years.

I'm hoping to know by the middle of next week. I think I have a pretty good chance, as I'm on a self-directed team, which was originally sold to me as a sort of a "supervisors-in-training" gig. Also, I've gotten the highest rating possible on my performance evals two years straight. I need to prepare to be disappointed, though, so I don't go into a funk and become unproductive.

Wish me luck!

WWdN Profit

2006-05-10T07:47:00.000-07:00

BB's to go: 502.1 or $50.21

Finished in the money at the WWdN! Went out ninth on a stupid move (more on that in a minute.) I was disappointed that I'd bubbled out after playing so strong, then I heard my e-mail ping.

What? Oh shit, nine places paid!

I'm so happy about how I've played in the blogger tourneys lately that I don't want to over analyze it, just want to enjoy it. I will say that they suit my comfort zone.

I learned a valuable lesson about level headedness and concentration during my brief stint at the final table. I'm dealt pocket 10's and the flop is 8K8. I fall into what I'll term "flop madness."

"Two-pair, two-pair, two-pair, I'VE GOT TWO PAIR! There's no way anyone could have a king! Who would dare have a king when I've got two pair? I'll just go over the top all-in...DOH!"

If this hand had happened an hour earlier, I'd probably have laid it down. Losing my head in one hand did me in. Oh well, lesson learned.

Finally, there is a world of difference between playing with a bunch of people who you have some connection to and playing with anonymous icons from Bad Munchenhausen. I'd have had a great time if I'd busted out early, and I can't wait to play again.

Grinding

2006-05-09T05:51:00.000-07:00

BB's to go: 502.9 or $50.29

First, go give Surflexus your best wishes- his son comes home from Iraq today. Wouldn't hurt to pass along your thanks for his service as well.

I'm slowly coming closer to poker reality. No more twenty or thirty BB nights. Lately, I've been dropping between ten and twenty big bets early, then scrabbling back to a one or two big bet night.

I've been tired lately. I find a little tiredness makes me more patient, less prone to stupid aggressiveness. Fatigue, though, makes me chase and hold onto losing hands.

Skill-wise, I've gotten to a point where I'm successful at the limits I'm playing, but it's making me lazy. I prefer playing to reading, which isn't bad by itself, but I really need to keep up the book work- I need to brush-up on my preflop skills, and I haven't mastered all of the basic post-flop concepts yet.

Also, I really need to adjust my game to the table. To a point, I'm disciplined. I'm following the recommendations for loose tables set out in Small Stakes Hold'Em. But, when I come across tight/overly aggressive tables or players, I don't change my game. I can get away with it now, but will I be able to do that when I'm at the 5/10 tables? Doubt it.

I'm going to try to put up a more instructive post this week. I need to master what Sklansky says about playing draws. I also want to review what he says in SSHE about playing small and mid pocket pairs.

I think I'll be playing in the WWdN tonight. (OOO, Chris, you're so cool) That money I won in the Blue Veiner has been such a hassle, I want to give it back tonight.

Finally, I've got the go ahead to play at the Hardware Bar this Friday. Mmm...Hardware Bar waitresses.

A Good Day

2006-05-05T06:19:00.000-07:00

BB's to go: 516.4 or $51.64

Today was like one of those fly dreams,
Didn't even see a berry flashin those high beams
No helicopter looking for a murder
Two in the mornin got the Fatburger
Even saw the lights of the Goodyear Blimp
And it read, "Ice Cube's a pimp"
Drunk as hell but no throwin up
Half way home and my pager still blowin up
Today I didn't even have to use my A.K.
I got to say it was a good day.

-Ice Cube, "It was a Good Day"

Punked out of work yesterday. Fell asleep in front of the compu-master and decided I needed some R and R. Headed home and fell asleep to the soft sounds of Spring, and a cool breeze blowing in my bedroom window. Woke up about three hours later (Ahh, rejuevenation!) and won a modest 8BB's at the limit tables.

It seems like the 5-10 cent competition is only slightly better than the 2-4 cent donkeys, but I've noticed that the winnings are much more modest. I've had one monster day where I won fifty-one BB's, but a usual day is under ten.

My kids were in joyous moods this evening, even if the Mistress wasn't. She's a crab in the evening anyway, so it's somewhat easy to not let it bother me. Sort of like a light fog in the AM- somewhat annoying, but nothing that's going to cripple the whole day.

Then, I sat down to what I thought would be another humiliation at the NL tourney table. Especially since I'd be playing the likes of TripJax, Katitude, and Mookie.

That's right, I'm talking about the Big Blue Veiner, The Champ Memorial Tourney. Only thirteen playas, but it was a great time. Everyone was nice and interesting. It's much more fun to play with a group of people who have a connection than a bunch of anonymous donkeys.

And, I took THIRD for twenty-six bucks! Truly shocked, since my NL tourney skillz=poo poo. I'm not sure if it was because I wasn't as tired as usual, or because I wasn't playing any other games, or I was just in touch with my inner Brunson, but I was calm, comfortable, and I could feel the rythym of the table. In general, the two tables I played on were tight and somewhat weak. Aggression paid off and, when I realized this I capitalized. I only won four or five pots at showdowns, but thirty without.

Things got cooking when I trapped Miami Don with the nut flush against his second-nut flush. I was more patient than usual, slow-playing and setting him up. Later on I did the same with a full house, although I can't remember who that was against.

Finally, it was down to me, Mookie, and SniperGuy, who had a commanding chip lead. I went out to him, I think, missing my nut flush draw. And happily so. This is my largest tourney finish, money wise, and it's a HUGE boost to the 'mad money' portion of my 'roll. Plus, it was ironic that I won back my prop bet with the Champ plus fifty percent in his memorial tournament.

Congrats to Sniper and Mookie, who took first and second respectively. Also, Bloody P needs to be commended for making a valiant stand with his short stack.

So the tournament was over and...just in time for UFC! Could the day be any better?

A Quote in Need of a Visual

2006-05-03T09:00:00.000-07:00

BB's to go: 514.7 or $51.47

I read this in an article about changes Frito-Lay is making to make their chips more "healthy."

"The result of the latest change: Saturated fat in the flagship Lay's Classic chips, for example, will drop by 66%, from 3 grams per 1-ounce serving to a single gram. Based on Lay's total sales, the switch will cut 60 million pounds of saturated fat a year from the nation's diet, says Rocco Papalia, senior vice president of R&D."

Did anyone else just throw up in their mouths a bit?

Here's the whole article.

Explanation of Benefits

2006-05-02T11:03:00.000-07:00

Okay, if you're not interested in a political rant go someplace else.

As an illegal alien in this country, you are NOT entitled to demand the following:

Citizenship
Days off
The right to protest
Welfare
Tax free livin'
Education
Driver's license

This is what you ARE entitled to:

A free ride back to your country of origin.

Look, I'm not against anyone from Africa, Asia, Mexico or anywhere else coming into this country LEGALLY. Got a visa? Get the hell in here, we need you. What you can offer us is everything that immigrants have done for the past two hundred years: vitality, culture, even new DNA to keep the gene pool viable.

I work with people from other countries. The criteria for marrying my daughters doesn't vary by race:

Not a bum, lazy, or a cheat
Not psychotic or an addict
Not a wife beater (sorry Champ)

What really gets me hot are the people who come to the US uninvited, then demand that we not only owe them, but that American citizenship is basically their right. Excuse me? The fact that what you did to get here is termed illegal should probably give you an idea that you don't have a right to be here.

No one is disputing that many illegal aliens work hard. But their willingness to work at below normal wages depresses the job market, killing whatever leverage unskilled American workers have to demand a liveable wage. As a result, they are priced out of the labor market and we're stuck paying more out in welfare and unemployment insurance.

In addition, I'm tired of paying the way for illegal aliens. Higher taxes to pay for swollen welfare rolls and education costs (not to mention the hidden costs of the unpaid payroll taxes that are lost as people are paid under the table) higher insurance costs to make up for uninsured illegals getting health care through the most expensive means possible- emergency rooms, higher car insurance bills to pay for accidents caused by uninsured illegals. The list goes on and on and ON.

If Congress decides on any sort of amnesty or guest worker program, I think the fight to control immigration in this country will be over. The Mexican government has encouraged its citizens to enter the US illegally for years. This will be a message to them to ramp up their efforts. They will be able to tell people wanting to emigrate "Go on and be a squatter, if you have to. It will pay off in the long run."

And, finally, do we really want millions of people who will break the law, then be bold enough to demand special treatment? I think there's enough of those people here already.

Ouch!

2006-05-02T11:00:00.000-07:00

BB'S to go: 526.8, or $52.68

John Daly=Donkey

Of Red-headed Sluts and Dead Live Play

2006-04-29T17:06:00.000-07:00

BB's to go: 567.3 or 56.73

Came home from work yesterday with an itch to play the Hardware Bar freeroll. The Mistress dispensed mercy and let me go, after I cleaned the bathroom and put the Little General to bed.

The metro-sexual bouncer waved me through without even looking at my ID. Must be getting old. I walk past the band going through its soundcheck. Now I know I'm getting old because I don't recognize the song they're blasting out.

The tournament starts at nine, but I show up at eight. Usually, it's crowded by now and a bit iffy as to whether there's any seats left, but tonight it's empty. As in, I'm the only one in the back room/poker hall, besides the waitresses.

Here's another hint that you're getting old. When you say to yourself "Where did all these hot girls come from, and where were they when I was single?" As annoying as the Hardware Bar can be, the waitresses are one shining positive.

They're just hot, freaking grade-A hotties. Long legs, big boobies, pretty, just the right amount of ink. Shocker- they dress in next to nothing. Shocker- I'm nervous just being in the room with them.

MMM...shocker.

Even the (relatively) plain-jane bartender is smoking. She's the only one not dressed like she'll be dancing on a pole later, but she's still looking good and sporting ample cleavage.

(My best friend in the world would, when he was drunk, growl "Ample boobies!" like a caveman at any well-developed chick that walked by. He never got laid much.)

I actually have a some what coherent conversation with the bartender that doesn't make her smile politely and walk away. Finally, some other people get there and a Hardware Bar Personality Type A sits next to me.

Type A: Young, college slacker/hipster. Probably pretty smart, except for trying to be the next Doyle Brunson instead of getting a real job.

Type A sits next to me and I find he's probably more socially inept than I am. Doesn't let me finish a sentence, talks like he was on the committee that originally invented poker, is generally a doofus. He probably doesn't get any either.

At any rate, Type A tells me how he's been playing for a month and recently won a tournament in a points league. He tells me how he completed in the small blind with 54, then hit two pair on the flop like its a sign of the Second Coming. Then he tells me again. Then he tells his buddy about it.

I try to give him some advice, as this is the first time he's played at the Hardware. Basically, I tell him it's better to play tight, because no one folds.

"Yes they do," Type A says, "If you bet enough."

"No, they don't. It's a free tournament, alot of people don't care and are willing too..."

"It's two-hundred fifty dollars!"

I don't care that much, so I don't bother trying to explain why a winner take all freeroll for 250 with over a hundred players isn't that big of a deal. Instead, I go on to say that the blind structure makes it hard to have a big stack by the time you reach the final table. Which I've done twice, I make sure to add.

"Oh no, it's easy," Type A says. "All you need is to get the cards."

Indeed.

Behind me, I hear another sentence I really never expected to hear in my pathetically un-hip life.

"Do you need a red-headed slut?"

I turn, to see one of the uberest of the uber-hot waitresses. I catch my breath. I rip my eyes from her Ample Boobies and check her hair.

Pretty, but light brown. Damn.

I see the tray of shooters she's holding and I piece things together. Red-headed slut=drink, not Red-headed slut= most amazing, unbelievable offer I'm going to have to turn down.

I do however, reach way back into the humor bag and say "Hon, who doesn't need a red-headed slut?"

***************

I'm seated at a table with mostly Type A players, with me and another Type M player (middle age, middle class) and an odd Hardware Bar anomaly: the mother half of a mother-son team.

I'm amped a bit, so I decide to practice my chip riffling before we start to play. I'm getting pretty good with three chip stacks. Then someone riffles a five chip stack, someone else riffles stacks with both hands, and the mother starts riffling. Okay, I get the hint.

First hand, AJ soo-oo-ooted. (I've blogged long enough to use that term, haven't I?) I'm on the button and I double the big blind, no big deal. Type A (in this case, also means a-hole) goes all-in.

"This is a lesson that you never raise my big blind," he says to me as I go into the tank. Fucker. How can I put him on a hand? Literally the first hand I've played with him. I know, know he's probably bluffing. I remember some poker psychology I read about how many people in a tourney are scared to gamble at first, because of the expected disappointment of busting out so early.

I look at those two beautiful cards like I know I'd never see them again and mucked them. Big blind showed me his 9-5 offsuit.

My timidity must have offended the poker gods, because I get every combination of offsuit, unconnected 10 or lower cards for the next hour. Oh, excuse me, I got A3 sooted once and had to fold it when I got re-raised.

And yet, I survived the break-up of that table. I had a choice of which one to go to and picked the closest one without bothering to look at the stacks or the players. There were huge stacks and good players. One Type G player (gansta) and the young woman who is real good, if a bit TOO tight.

There was also a Type NL player. This is the guy who doesnt' know anything about playing poker, at least playing it live, but is a super-luckbox. He had three racks of chips, but didn't think to put the rack with an open row on the top so that the entire thing is more stable. Need I say his little tower tumbled over into a pot?

He got in an argument when the Type G player asked him to count his chips. "I don't want to," he said. Someone else had to explain to him that he'd just bet enough to put the Type G player all in and the guy wanted to make sure that was the case. Then, when he did count his chips, he forgot how much the red chips were worth and lost count several times. Took at least five minutes for the whole thing to get worked out.

As is my luck, I am destined to be all-in heads up with any Type NL present at the Hardware Bar. I have A10 versus his A6, so I know I'm doomed.

Go figure, he hits his straight and I miss my eight out open ender. Tourist!

Bah! At least the band was playing Nirvana when I left.

Blue Veiner Memorial

2006-04-27T17:08:00.000-07:00

BB's to go: 603.4 or $60.34

Note: I made a slight error- I didn't realize there was a level between .05-.10 and .25-.50. So, the new goal is $60 dollars, which is 300BB's at the .10-.20 level.

Password: Monkey

I think, just for the sake of irony, I should win this thing.

AND, THE CHAMP IS....

First, here's a quote from the Champ:

"Faggle Bogey don't know jack about shit. "

This was directed at
Dugglebogey who'd highlighted some of the Champ's enlightened thinking earlier that week.

Now, I give you exhibit 2:

"Did he call you "Faggle Bogey?" I was especially proud of that one."

That comment was posted by BG here.

Misleadingly written sentence? Intentional admission?

Also, the reason behind the Champ- the whole idea, really- has the same dark, introspective, dare I say somewhat masochistic, qualities that many of BG's posts have.

My theory is that many of what Jordan would call "B level bloggers" knew what the deal was. I'd include Jordan and Duggle on that list, and probably many of the linked bloggers on the Champ's site.

Will we ever know the real truth? It's probably more likely we'll find out who exactly was on the grassy knoll on that fateful afternoon in Dallas. And yet, perhaps the poker blogging community will be better for having it's own mystery...(cue spooky music)

Meh. This post was a lot more interesting when I was thinking it up.

Edit: Okay, I suck. Apparently, the real identity of the Champ is Daddy, and it was revealed here. Two weeks ago. On a very prominent blog that I should be reading more frequently. Unfortunately, I can't give you back the time you spent reading this worthless post. However, if you play in the Blue Veiner, you might have a chance of winning my buy-in, which, considering my play, is pretty much a donation.

MTT Mass Murder

2006-04-26T05:49:00.000-07:00

BB's to go: 1507, or $150.70

The only thing that offset my losing night in the cash game and going out early in a $1 MTT, was going deep in one of Stars' cut-rate ten cent tournaments.

I won one of the most amazing hands I've been involved with. I had an above average stack, but was sitting with an M of about 10, so I was pushing relentlessly. In this hand just about everybody limped, and I went all in with wired 9's on the button. My computer lagged a bit, then caught up all at once. Stacks and stacks of chips sprang up on the table. It looked like a petrified forest or a Roman ruin.

Four players went all in. I had all but one covered, so everyone showed before the flop. I can't remember exactly what each player had, but there was at least one pair of queens and a pair of jacks. There were a dizzying amount of face cards visible.

The flop comes...and it's blank, 9, blank! I actually threw my hands in the air and gave a yelp. I think I heard someone groan somewhere in front of their computers.

The best part of it is, I've got a witness who was checking in to watch the action. I'm sure he'll be sitting around a camp fire soon, telling a group of bright-eyed poker bloggers the story of how I busted out half a table in one hand.

Seriously, is there any literature on turbo MTT strategy? The tourney last night quickly became a push-fest, as the blinds became painfull quickly. I didn't really use much strategy after the first 45 minutes to an hour- I was constantly short stacked and just waited for optimal hands to go all-in with. Towards the end, every hand had someone going all in. I think this method is fine and profitable- as long as you're hitting good enough hands regularly.

So, what's the optimal strategy for this type of tournament?

At the Top of the Mountain!

2006-04-25T06:15:00.000-07:00

WOOT! WOOT! WOOT!

Go CL, it's your birthday, go CL, it's your birthday!

I have done the unimaginable, the unattainable! I've made it to territory no other poker player has ever dreamed of! Yes, I have built my limit HE 'roll to thirty whole dollars and I am moving up to the airy heights of five and ten cent limit!

Dealt K 10 offsuit UTG. Bet and called one raise pre-flop, with four participants. Flopped a ten and bet. Three folders, one caller. Turn is a king. Bet, my opponent folds, and I'm in the promised land!

Played half an hour at .05-.10 and made $1.08. I could get used to this!

Here's my final .02-.04 stats:

Total hands played: 11.6k
BB's earned: 300
BB's/100 hands: 2.6

Now, only 1500 BB's to go to move up to .25-.50!

Actually it's:

BB's to go: 1489.2 or $148.92

Wish me luck!

Poker Weekend, with More Poker for added Pokeriness

2006-04-24T06:31:00.000-07:00

'BB's to go' count remains the same!

Here's everything poker that happened this weekend:

1. On Friday, went deep again in a Poker Stars budget MTT. Finished fourteenth out of a 1000+ field. Won six bucks! Okay, $5.94. As with all my good finishes, I built a big stack early. It took me some time, but when I finally realized my advantage I started wielding the big stick. Took down twenty pots without a showdown. Ah, the power of a big stack and winning some showy hands early.

I did something I'm not sure I should be proud of. Of course, I ran into the same issue I did in the last MTT I moneyed in. It started at ten and was still going around 1:30am. I had a full day of work getting ready for my poker night, including the Big Monkey's gymnastics, grocery shopping, etc.

So...I hit the "sit out this hand" button, logged out and went to bed. I was in the mid thirties, place wise at that time, with about two hundred players left. Either way, I was winning some money and I really didn't want to be up another few hours and not be ready for the event which I've been planning for months. I'm not sure where this is on the scale of ethics. Technically, I just used a different strategy, one that easily could harm my chances of doing better as it could enhance them. On the other hand, it always bothers me when someone builds a stack then goes away until he makes the final table. There just seems something...unsporting...about it.

2. The inaugural CLRusso poker night went off pretty much hitchless. Nine people out of the thirteen I was expecting showed. More than I thought, quite frankly. I have a pretty low opinion of myself in general, and I never believe people have a good time or even want to come to our parties.

It seemed like it went well. Except for the whole going out first thing. Yep, I was out after about twenty hands. I had big slick and everyone folded when I bet 3x's the BB, except an aggressive guy, who called. He'd played most of his hands and was easily the most aggressive player at the table. I was sure he was playing a lot of crap and, when he called, I thought I was in the lead. I barely looked at the flop, which was 8 2 blank, and raised about four times the BB. He thought and called.

The turn was an 8. I (do you see where this is going?) went all in and he called. Flipped over a pair of deuces. Thank you for playing sir. Can you get me a beer?

The three money finishers were the Mistress' co-workers and one of their friends. They all play together and were clearly better than I and the rest of the field. I had a brief thoughts of collusion, but I see that now as the sour grapes they are. They were very nice and I didn't notice anything hinky. I think they could tell the rest of us don't play much, however.

The worst part was that I didn't get to play on the one poker table top I had (the guy who had the other one backed out) and I didn't get to play with the Copags. Oh well. There's always next month. There were three or four people who are interested but had other commitments or had been invited at the last minute who said they'd come the next time.

Also, no one was interested in a cash game, so I think we're going to just up the buy-in on the tournament. People can play afterwards, if they want.

The funniest thing of the whole day was when, at around noon, the Mistress stands up and says "I think we need a new television for tonight."

I stop my mad cleaning to stammer "Wha?" True, the TV in our living room sucks and is on its last legs, but, My God woman, people were coming in a few hours, we hadn't showered yet, nothing was set up and the kids needed to eat lunch and take naps.

None of this I actually said, mind you. My wife's the Mistress for a reason, and not because she runs an English private school. I'm so whipped that I must have subconsciously realized I was going to lose, because I talked myself into it.

To make a boring story short, we got a new TV and still had time to be ready and relax before the guests arrived. It's schweet too! LCD flatscreen, stereo sound. Not HD ready, but 'enhanced digital' ready, whatever that is. Probably something cheesy the marketing team came up with so schleps who can't afford HD feel better about themselves.

Finally, the Big Monkey was exposed to poker. I can check that off my "Perfect Parenting" to-do list. She was all proud of her old man and stuff, playing poker and all. When I busted out, I went upstairs and kissed her good night. She asked "Did you win?" I told her no and she said "Yes you did!" and went to sleep.

3. I wanted to start this post by saying how I'd finally cleared those last few BB's and was about to move up to .05-.10 limit. It's, what, less than a dollar to go? Shit, I can clear that in a night. Except when you have a losing session, then make a whole .75 BB the next night.

I've been plagued lately by being tired, not paying attention to the board (I was sure I had broadway, but didn't. Of course I capped the betting before PS helpfully told eveyone I had ace high versus someone else's made straight. As usual, I was also guilty of everyone's favorite, playing hands too long.

Last night I was stung at least four or five times by stupid hands played by other people. Want to play 2,4 offsuit under the gun for two bets and crack my aces with trip fours? Go ahead! Say, why not cap the betting with 7,8 offsuit in middle position, then flop a straight!

And yet, I was still able to scratch and claw to a three cent win for the night. D'you think I signed off as soon as I was in the black? Damn right!

Just Hang in There

2006-04-23T20:05:00.000-07:00

BB's to go: 19, or $0.76

Almost...there

Too tired to post. Too late to post.

Coming this week:

A recap of my pokeriest weekend ever!
A discussion of my irrational dislike of the Barefoot Contessa from the Food Channel.
A further discussion of how the previous topic does not necessarily make me GEIGH.
I make my case for the blogger behind the Champ, as I pimp the Champ Memorial Tournament.
And much, much more!

Bedtime!